"Jeremy Clarkson suffers 'smashed testicles' after cow attack"

From Bang Showbiz:

"I think this was the lowest point in my farming career to date. Being attacked by a cow while on my knees, in the mud, in a storm, with smashed testicles. And all so I can make beef for a restaurant that I probably won’t be allowed to open. I was very miserable."

Cow attacks usually just involve a careless dog walker, or occasionally an unlucky farm worker. It's nice to see a celebrity joining in the fun every now and then.

That Top Gear expedition got nowhere near the North Pole.

They showed that episode again over the holidays, all great TV and so on, but if you pay attention at the end, the co-ordinates on the satnav shows latitude 78 deg.

Wikipedia's write-up says that they reached the Magnetic North Pole, which is very close to the true/geographic North Pole (which has latitude 90 deg, obviously).

Not true, they had reached the Geomagnetic North Pole, which as the map in the previous link shows is hundreds of miles further south. They set off from Resolute, which has latitude 74 deg, which is to the north of the geomagnetic North Pole, so on the outward journey they were heading south (or south-east or south-west or whatever).

So AFAICS, epic fail.

"Jeremy Clarkson approached BBC bosses about 'catering foul up'"

From the BBC:

Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson initiated the BBC investigation which prompted his suspension, after he informed BBC bosses of the alleged "catering foul up".

BBC News understands that the star phoned BBC head of television, Danny Cohen, to report the lack of hot food. Producer Oisin Tymon, with whom the altercation took place, is not believed to have filed his own written report.

Interviews are expected to be held with the star and other parties next week, and the show has been taken off-air. Clarkson has expressed dissatisfaction with the catering, which his co-presenter James May labelled "a bit of a fuck-up".

"Clarkson apologises for eating ham sandwich"

From The Daily Mail and The Daily Mail:

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has 'begged' for public forgiveness after being caught on camera appearing to eat a ham sandwich during filming of the long-running BBC series.

In unaired footage the 54-year-old presenter was seen gulping down the offending snack in between takes. He has now switched to halal meat alternatives in an attempt to please his Muslim viewers.

Clarkson took to Twitter earlier today to deny he eaten the offensive item and has now released a video statement saying only turkey ham and turkey rashers will be served on the Top Gear set, where all the meat will now be prepared according to halal rules.

The presenter, who has appeared in around 1,500 episodes of the popular motoring programme, explained his decision by saying he had to balance animal welfare concerns with 'the views of religious communities'.

Jeremy Clarkson: I did not use the N-word

From the Guardian

Jeremy Clarkson has strongly denied allegations he used the N-word in previously unbroadcast footage from the BBC's Top Gear programme.

The presenter was accused by the Daily Mirror of using the language in what appeared to be an unseen clip from the BBC2 show.

In the footage, published on the newspaper's website, Clarkson appears to say the words "What I'd really like to own is a" before appearing to mumble: "911".

The Ferrari Owners Club on Thursday launched an urgent investigation into the allegations, while Clarkson denied he used the word. He told his 3.2 million Twitter followers: "I did not use the N-word. My position on Porsches is well known. The Mirror has gone way too far this time."

Fun Online Polls: Suicide by train and Dave's veto

With a good turnout, the result in last week's Fun Online Poll was as follows:

Are people who commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of a train particularly inconsiderate?

Yes - 89%
No - 11%

So that's that settled, and Jeremy Clarkson vindicated. Thanks to everybody who took part.
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And lo, to The Big Topic of the weekend, Dave breaking with tradition of all previous British Prime Ministers* and exercising his/our veto. As Allister Heath concludes in today's City AM:

One argument that has been making the rounds is that the City is only attractive to global banks because of the UK’s membership of the EU. But then why does non-EU Switzerland have such a large financial and business sector, and why does everybody agree that non-EU Singapore, Dubai, New York and Hong Kong are London’s biggest rivals?

So far the prime minister has emerged as an accidental Eurosceptic; his dramatic shift in UK policy came about almost by chance and partly as a result of incompetent civil servants. But that doesn’t matter. History only remembers great decisions – it never asks why they were taken.

Correct. It is better to be right for the wrong reasons as it is to be wrong for the right reasons. What this whole Euro-bail out treaty is really all about is bailing out French and German banks (as The Guardian pointed out), and what seems to have been the deciding factor for Dave was the fact that Merkozy intended to part-finance this by clobbering UK banks with a Financial Transaction Tax.

In other words, the proposed EU Treaty changes have nothing to do with 'European solidarity' and will not solve the problems in the Euro-zone, this was just our Dave and Merkozy going in to battle on behalf of their respective banks, but hey.

Nonetheless, I am pleasantly surprised by all this, and I had I been in Dave's position, I would have done exactly the same. But how about you? Vote here or use the widget in the side bar.

* I'm probably wrong on this point, but given the ensuing hoo-ha, it certainly feels like it.

Fun Online Polls: Last week's strike and Jeremy Clarkson (again)

A very high turnout for last week's poll, thanks for everybody who took part, results as follows:

Do you think the public sector strike on 30th November was justified?
No - 83%
Yes - 17%

As I suspected, the strike has back fired horribly as a PR measure. No doubt the government has done its own polling and come to the same conclusion, so if anything, the government's negotiating hand is now strengthened.
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It appears that The Righteous have are bored with pillorying Jeremy Clarkson for saying that public sector workers who went on strike should be shot, and have finally got round to criticising him for something else which he said on The One Show last week, which was to describe people who commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of/under a train as "selfish".

I'd completely agree, only I'd describe them as "wickedly inconsiderate" rather than "selfish". Those who suffer most are the train drivers themselves, followed by the poor sods who have to clear up the mangled limbs and blood afterwards, not to mention all the commuters whose trains are delayed.

Of course, there is such a thing as a Righteous Train Driver, who doesn't really know what to think :-)

So that's this week's Fun Online Poll: "Are people who throw themselves under trains selfish?"

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

Oops what have I said now, me and my big mouth, cont. page 94.

No Comment!

Re Sundays Top Gear where Clarkson made some comments about the exposed underwear of a Burqua wearer:-

"By Monday morning, seven viewers had already contacted the BBC to complain. Several viewers posted messages criticising the comments on Twitter, including Lily Allen, the singer, who called his remarks “distasteful”.

In other words about 8 people plus various blog commenters and daft Twitterati didn't like what Clarkson and Co said. This is compared to the estimated 350 MILLION viewers worldwide.

So I think we can safely ignore Lily Bloody Allen then. Prat.

He hasn't quite got the hang of this Victimhood Poker malarkey, has he?

From The Metro:

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has ridiculed TV bosses for being obsessed with having "black Muslim lesbians" on shows to balance out the numbers of white heterosexual men...

He was not referring to the Strictly row, but to a barrage of questions from people working in the media about the lack of female presenters on BBC's Top Gear...

He said: "The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads that if one presenter on a show is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black Muslim lesbian. Chalk and cheese, they reckon, works. But here we have Top Gear setting new records after six years using cheese and cheese. It confuses them."

"Compare and contrast" Of The Week

Over at Captain FF aka ManWiddecombe.

Jeremy Clarkson on Formula One

From today's soaraway Sun:

... allow me to let you in to a little secret. All Formula One drivers are pretty much identical. Occasionally you get one — like Ayrton Senna — who’s 0.1 per cent better than the rest, but mostly they all have the same ability. I mean it. Some are in the sport because their dads paid. Some are there because their dads like to be on television. Some are there through luck and some through persistence. It doesn’t matter though. When it comes to driving, they are all the same...

What matters is the car... And so we arrive at the main reason why Formula One has been turned on its head this year. When Michael Schumacher started winning world championships, he was driving for a team that employed someone called Ross Brawn. When he moved to Ferrari and started winning world championships there, the team employed — Ross Brawn.

And in all that time, only one other team ever consistently mounted a serious threat. That would be McLaren using a car designed by someone called Adrian Newey. This year, of course, two new teams have risen to the top. Brawn, run by Ross Brawn and Red Bull, using a car designed by Adrian Newey.

He might be exaggerating slightly - and mentioning Ayrton Senna but not the evil genius Michael Schumacher is downright churlish - but the facts seem to stack up. Maybe the whole thing is down to Ross Brawn - who doesn't just design the car but make split-second decisions on tyre, fuel and pit-stop strategies as well - and Adrian Newey.

NOW! That's what I call an apology

From The Metro:

Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson today apologised after calling Prime Minister Gordon Brown a "one-eyed Scottish idiot".

The presenter came under fire from politicians and the Royal National Institute of Blind People (RNIB) for the comments he made in Australia.

In a statement issued through BBC Worldwide today he said: "In the heat of the moment I made a remark about the Prime Minister's personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise."
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Unconfirmed is whether Clarkson then giggled and added "I'm not apologising for 'Scottish' or 'idiot' though"

"Police examine Clarkson mobile picture"

The law is the law, and the police are supposed to enforce it.

While they're at it, they could stick six points on Adam Blake's licence for driving without due care and attention, as he was clearly paying far more attention to Jeremy Clarkson than to the road ahead.