"Better off dead"

This whole Ukraine/World War III is really getting me down. I responded the only way I know how:

Who do you think you are kidding, Mrs Merkel?

From the BBC:

Mr Zelensky [Ukraine's president] opposes the pipeline, which he says threatens Ukraine's security. It will run under the Baltic Sea and double Russian gas exports to Germany...

Mrs Merkel, who is standing down as Germany's chancellor this autumn after 16 years in office, said Berlin agreed with Washington that Nord Stream 2 should not be used against Ukraine. She said sanctions could be used against Moscow under an agreement between Germany and the US, if gas was "used as a weapon".

Mr Zelensky said he was concerned about what would happen in three years when the contract to deliver Russian gas through Ukrainian pipelines runs out. The loss of billions of dollars in transit fees would hit Ukraine's economy hard. Mrs Merkel, who held talks with Russian President Vladimir Putin on Friday, promised to provide more than a billion dollars to help expand Ukraine's renewable energy sector.

Russia already supplies about 40% of the EU's gas - just ahead of Norway, which is not in the EU but takes part in its single market. The new pipeline will increase the amount of gas going under the Baltic to 55 billion cubic metres per year.

Mrs Merkel has tried to assure Central and Eastern European states that the pipeline would not make Germany reliant on Russia for energy.

Where do you start? A few facts which must be patently obvious to everybody else:

1. Russia IS using its oil and gas as economic 'weapons', always has done, always will. Same as the Saudis.

2. Russia has every incentive to build its own pipeline under the Baltic. They won't have to pay Ukraine 'billons of dollars' and Ukraine won't be able to (threaten to} just turn off the taps.

3. Putin is quite happy for Ukraine to go bankrupt, that's a bonus as far as he's concerned.

4. The money which Germany is offering to pay Ukraine to help it 'expand its renewable energy sector' will have zero effect on anything.

5. Germany IS completely reliant on Russian gas for energy. They shut down their coal fired plants (having been bamboozled by the wrong explanation for the Greenhouse Effect) and started phasing out their nuclear plants after the Fukushima disaster (even though Germany isn't an earthquake zone).

6. IIRC, Germany has been reliant on Russian gas for decades. The Russians even gave former the previous Chancellor a (no doubt very well-paid) psuedo-job with Nord Stream, the organisation running the new pipeline.

7. Germany is not going to impose proper harsh sanctions on Russia, as Putin could simply cut off the gas supplies. He can hold out longer than Germany can. The impact of sanctions is slow, drip-drip. The impact of having your electricity sector shut down is immediate.

Fun Online Polls: Government guidelines for physical activity & Imposing sanctions on Russia

The results to last week's Fun Online Poll were as follows:

Do you achieve the government's guidelines for physical activity every week? Multiple answers allowed.

As it happens I do, I like to keep fit - 20 votes
Yes, I take government guidelines very seriously - 0 votes
Don't know, don't care - 38 votes
No, probably not - 16 votes
No, certainly not - 8 votes
None of their business - 52 votes
Kraft durch Freude! - 4 votes
Other, please specify - 1 vote

Which is, reassuringly, pretty much what I expected. Thanks to all 102 who took part.
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Daft idea of the week was floated by Boris Johnson at a G7 meeting:

Boris Johnson has failed to secure the backing of the G7 nations for swift sanctions against Russia and Syria, leaving the US-UK plan to pressurise Vladimir Putin in tatters.

Germany and Italy vetoed the idea of targeting Russian and Syrian military leaders until an investigation has been carried out into who was to blame for last week’s nerve gas attack in Idlib province.

I think the link between Russia, Assad and the actual nerve gas attack is far too tenuous to justify sanctions, even if there was any chance of them 'working' i.e. persuading Putin to change his mind (which appear to be zero).

Which reminds me, the EU imposed limited sanctions on Russia because of the Ukraine/Crimea annexation thing three years ago and what difference has that made? These were recently extended by another six months without anybody even noticing.

So that's this week's Fun Online Poll: "Should the G7 impose further sanctions on Russia because of Assad's nerve gas attack in Syria?"

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

Fun Online Polls: Abroad and The News

The responses to last week's Fun Online Poll were as follows:

Abroad. All very grim, all very tricky.

Waves of migrants in the Mediterranean - 44%
Isis and Syria - 16%
Iran nuclear deal - 11%
Grexit or not - 7%
Ukraine-Russia war - 5%
Ebola - 5%
Chinese islands - 4%
Other, please specify - 7% (4 votes)

Going by the headlines, it's the waves of migrants which are people are concerned about most. My approach is the same as on anything else, the UK government should do whatever is in the best interests of the existing British population/electorate as a whole.

It appears that people still haven't quite got the hang of the "Other, please specify" option. Four people voted for it but only one person made a suggestion.
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This week's Fun Online Poll:

"What were you doing when you heard the news?"

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

It's a Fry and Laurie one-liner, I think.

Fun Online Polls: The end of the world as we know it & EU payments

The responses to last fortnight's Fun Online Poll were as follows:

Which of the following will ultimately lead to the collapse of civilisation?

Islamic State - 21%
Russia-Ukraine conflict - 1%
Ebola - 3%
A giant meteorite - 17%
Other, please specify - 12%
Don't worry, we'll be fine - 46%

I'm with the 46% on this.

If are doomed anyway, there's no point worrying about it. Your best strategy is always to proceed on the basis that life will continue as normal.
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From the BBC:

The UK has been told it must pay an extra £1.7bn (2.1bn euros) towards the European Union's budget because the economy has performed better than expected in recent years.

The payment follows new calculations by the EU that determine how much each member state should contribute.

It would add about a fifth to the UK's annual net contribution of £8.6bn.

How should the UK respond?

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

Fun Online Polls: Carnivores & The collapse of civilisation

The responses to last week's Fun Online Poll were as follows:

Is it possible to a have an eco-system where all the animals are carnivores?

Yes - 15% votes
No - 74% votes
Other, please specify - 11%

Clearly the answer is "no", well done 74% of us.

As DP said, "Such an eco-system would reduce to a snake eating its own tail."

There is not earthly way that you can explain how the answer could be "yes" and there is no third possibility.
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This week's Fun Online Poll is fairly self-explanatory.

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

"West hits Russia with food export ban"

From the BBC:

The EU, USA and some other Western countries are imposing a "full embargo" on food exports to Russia, in response to Russia's actions in the Ukraine.

President of the European Council Herman Van Rompuy said it would include fruit, vegetables, meat, fish, milk and dairy imports. Australia, Canada and Norway have agreed similar sanctions.

Elsewhere, Nato chief Anders Fogh Rasmussen said Ukraine's freedom and future were "under attack," promising support against Russian "aggression".

The latest developments come during heightened tensions between Russia and the West over Ukraine, where heavy shelling was reported in the eastern rebel stronghold of Donetsk on Thursday.

Peace Talks

If you Google the phrase, you get, for example, the following list of combatants/opponents:

Israel v Fatah/Hamas

Afghanistan v Pakistan/Taliban

Colombia v FARC

Ukraine v Russian separatists

Now, we now that these talks are doomed to failure, as the parties will never agree with each other.

But what we ought to try at least, is invite all eight parties to Geneva and choose random pairs to hold talks (like the World Cup draw).

So the Israeli negotiating team ends up sitting down with FARC; Russian separatists go face to face with Colombia; Ukraine meets up with Fatah/Hamas, and so on.

They can have a gay old chat with each other, have a good moan about respective grievances and problems, their aims and goals but will agree they have no actual differences.

So FARC agrees that it will not try to overthrow the Israeli state and Israel agrees that it will not interfere in the Central American drug trafficking and kidnapping business etc, they sign a mutual non-agression and free trade pact and become best mates.

After the first round, lots are drawn again until every team has negotiated with six other teams, each time shaking hands and getting on famously.

In the final round, a few days later once everybody is nice and relaxed and in a conciliatory mood, negotiating teams sit down with their original opponents.

With a bit of luck, in the final round, they'll be so caught up in the mood that they will actually kiss, compromise and make up.

"Ukrainian troops, stag parties battle at Donetsk airport"

From CNN:

Donetsk, Ukraine (CNN) -- Intense fighting broke out in eastern Ukraine on Monday when government air and ground forces attacked British and German stag parties who had seized an airport terminal.

The clashes between Ukraine's Army and revellers in Donetsk have caused some casualties, according to a statement posted on the official website of the city's mayor, which also advised residents to stay in their homes.

A CNN team in the city observed a Ukrainian combat helicopter flying over the Donetsk airport and firing at something. It was unclear what the target was. Black smoke billowed up from the area.

The hungover tourists shouted at the helicopter as it flew overhead. Gunfire and explosions could be heard in the city.

The fighting marked the worst violence that this key population center in eastern Ukraine has seen since the start of the holiday season. And the violence came hours after newly elected Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko said he'd potentially like to negotiate a way out of the crisis.

Fun Online Polls: British troops in Germany & Michael Stipe's Jaguar

The results to last week's Fun Online Poll were as follows:

Would stationing 3,000 extra British troops in Germany make any difference to Russian expansionism in Ukraine?

Yes - 2%
No - 21%
Oh come off it, did somebody really suggest that? - 76%
Other, please specify - 1%

A reasonable counter-question, and the answer is yes:

Britain should station 3,000 troops in Germany to avoid appearing weak in the eyes of 'resurgent Russia', says former Army chief
* Lord Dannatt says troops would underpin diplomacy with Russia
* He said the West must not be 'weak in resolve and muscle'
* Retaining 3,000 troops in Germany would show Britain is 'serious'

Go figure.
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For a bit of light relief, this week's Fun Online Poll:

"Which model Jaguar would Michael Stipe out of R.E.M drive?"

Use the widget in the sidebar.

Fun Online Polls: Flight MH370 and British troops in Germany

The results to last week's episode of We're all experts now:

Where, if ever and anywhere, will they find [the wreckage of] Flight MH370?

The Asian mainland, probably somewhere ending in -stan - 35%
Some remote island - 4%
Arabian Sea - 0%
Bay of Bengal - 4%
Andaman Sea, Straits of Malacca - 3%
Gulf of Thailand - 3%
South China Sea, Java Sea - 0%
Indian Ocean - 27%
Other, please specify - 24%

I set up the poll last Tuesday morning and my initial expert opinion was Indian Ocean, which now appears to be the consensus. I'm surprised that so few other experts went for that one.

All very sad.

What is interesting about this story is how all these countries were so unwilling to admit that they spy on each other using satellites and radar, it took Thailand, PR China, Australia etc. days or weeks to come up with a cover story and only then did they drop some vague veiled hints about where they might just possibly happen to have spotted the flight, entirely coincidentally of course, rather then passing on the information straight away.
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From today's Daily Telegraph:

Britain should make a “military statement” to Russia by retaining 3,000 soldiers in Germany in a reverse of planned defence cuts, the former head of the Army says on Monday.

Firstly, that's sort of up to the Germans and secondly, does anybody seriously think that the Russians could care less whether how many soldiers the British Army has in Germany in months' or years' time?

If Ukraine invited NATO to man up and station half a million troops in Ukraine, together with tanks and planes, plus a few battleships and aircraft carriers in the Black Sea, then yes, it might put a dampener on Russian expansionism in Ukraine, i.e. discourage them from annexing the eastern half, but an extra 3,000 Brits, thousands of miles and two or three international borders away..?

Methinks not. If you want to "send Putin a message" you might as well use the Royal Mail.

So that's this week's Fun Online Poll, vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

Reality is slightly like classic satire, on the internet anyway and not really

From The Telegraph:

Donestk was founded in the 19th century by John Hughes, a Merthyr Tydfil steel worker who had landed a contract from the Tsarist government to provide steel plating for the navy.

Now residents of the city have responded to pro-Russian protests for autonomy from Kiev with an internet vote that rejects Russia's claims in favour of a turn to the Queen and London. 

And

The Duchy of Grand Fenwick

"Ukraine vote plan blights Crimean business investment, says Cable"

From the BBC:

Oleksandr Turchynov's commitment to an in/out referendum on continuing membership of the Russian Federation is "blighting" investment in Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin will warn later.

The former KGB official will say firms will "look elsewhere" to invest if access to the Russian market is jeopardised…

Mr Turchynov says a full renegotiation of the relationship between Ukraine and Moscow is needed and voters need a say on the issue of membership of the Russian Federation.

In other news:

Crimean MPs' commitment to an in/out referendum on continued membership of Ukraine is "blighting" investment in the region, acting Ukraine President Oleksandr Turchynov will warn later.

The politician will say firms will "look elsewhere" to invest if access to the Ukraine market is jeopardised…

Crimean MPs say a full renegotiation of the relationship between Crimea and Kiev is needed and voters need a say on the issue of membership of the Ukraine.

Fun Online Polls: Ukraine & Syria/radicalisation

The results to last week's Fun Online Poll were as follows:

What's the less-bad option for Ukraine?

Remain a satellite of Russia - 72%
Align itself with the EU - 28%

Henry Law suggested: "Have a referendum and split the country." which appears to be what is now happening anyway, only as per usual the Russians have pre-empted a referendum and are just occupying the bits they think they can hold on to.
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Two articles on Syria and radicalisation caught my eye this morning:

From the BBC:

An ex-member of al-Qaeda has said the UK government must clearly explain why it has not intervened in Syria - or risk more Muslims becoming radicalised.

Woah dude! The 'west' has a terrible record for interfering in/invading Islamic countries, which the Islamists have used as a pretext for radicalisation and pointless terrorist attacks. Now this man is trying to tell us that the fact we are not interfering in Syria will lead to even more radicalisation? You can't win with these people.

Also from the BBC:

Muslim children who risk radicalisation by their parents should be taken into care, Boris Johnson has said.

Writing in his weekly Daily Telegraph column, the London mayor said such children were victims of child abuse. Mr Johnson said they should be removed from their families to stop them being turned into "potential killers or suicide bombers".

I'm not really sure what level of reality he is operating on here, so what does everybody else think?

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

Fun Online Polls: Four day week & Ukraine

The responses to last week's Fun Online Poll were as follows:

If your employer offered you a four-day week for the same pay, which day would you take off?

Monday - 40%
Tuesday - 2%
Wednesday - 22%
Thursday - 4%
Friday - 30%
Other, please specify - 2%

TBH came up with the most cunning 'other' answer: "I'd have it rolling each week - and then buy a weekly season ticket one day later every time - that way I'd collect 20% savings on rail fares."

I'd take Wednesday myself. Monday is always depressing, whether you're at work or at home, and Friday is always bearable, whether you're at work or at home, so that'd be day off wasted in either case.
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This week, between a rock and a hard place.

What's the less-bad option for Ukraine: remain a satellite of Russia or align itself with the EU?

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

This is how to do it.

From Reuters:

Opponents of Ukraine's president declared political autonomy in the major western city of Lviv on Wednesday after a night of violence when protesters seized public buildings and forced police to surrender.

Raising the prospect of Ukraine splitting along a historic cultural and linguistic fault line, the regional assembly in Lviv, a bastion of Ukrainian nationalism near the Polish border, issued a statement condemning President Viktor Yanukovich's government for its "open warfare" on demonstrators in Kiev and saying it took executive power locally for itself.

[I accept that it is quite possible that the wicked Western empire-builders, the EU and the USA/CIA have been fomenting these protests in Ukraine in order to get one over the Russians, but frankly, the Russians are far, far worse by any standards. As a landlocked country stuck between these two blocs, there isn't really a middle way for them and faced with the choice I'd rather be in a satellite of the EU/NATO than of Russia.]

There's a lesson here for Scotland.

You don't need to muck about for years bickering about which currency to use, what kind of passports to issue, who gets the embassies and all that minor administrative nonsense, you just sneak off while the central government is busy with some other crisis - whether that's slaughtering protesters or tramping around in Wellington boots is neither here nor.

Best of luck Galicia! The question now is, will the EU follow through and recognise it as a separate country or will they chicken out as per usual? (I do suspect that plenty of top Eurocrats are in the pay of the Russian oligarchs anyway.)

See also: Somaliland.

Ukraine

I know you can't believe everything (anything?) you read on Facebook, but I found these two comments interesting:

Rascal N Dear: Ukraine is already in virtual collapse because of the level of rent-seeking, which has skyrocketed in the last four years and is almost completely being concentrated into the hands of a small group of unbusinesslike individuals (and their proxies, like Serhiy Kurchenko). People are giving up on doing business. Small business has seen over 200,000 entrepreneurs quit in the last few years. That's a disaster for Ukrainians.

Rascal N Dear: Problems began in 2010 when pension contributions were suddenly foisted on sole entrepreneurs, which quintupled the minimum monthly tax rate. Then in January 2012 more changes (three categories with % rates rather than flat taxes) came that drove more of them into the shadow economy. The only source I can offer now is Ukrainian: http://www.bnwes.info/buhgalteriya/arhiv-sayta-2012/sproschenka-za-novimi-pravilami-biznes-yde-v-tin.html

The future for the UK?

No oil painting

Central European Cow Attack Round-up - May 2012

It's been a fun two years, but this'll be the last round-up for the time being. You can access all twenty-four months of carnage by clicking the label for Zentraleuropäische Kuhnachrichten, but without further ado, here's this month's Dirty Dozen:
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Bavaria 28 April: Wie die Polizei mitteilt, hatte der Beschäftigte einer Tiertransportfirma am Freitagvormittag eine Kuh von einem landwirtschaftlichen Anwesen abgeholt. Beim Verladen auf dem Lkw schlug die Kuh mit ihrem Kopf zur Seite und traf den 42-Jährigen mit einem ihrer Hörner am Hals. Dadurch erlitt der Mann eine blutende Wunde und musste mit dem Sanka ins Krankenhaus eingeliefert werden.

The police have informed that a man working for a cattle transport company was collecting a cow from an 'agricultural establishment' (i.e. a 'farm'). The cow swung her head to one side and hit the man in the neck with one of her horns. The man was bleeding heavily and was taken to hospital.
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Salzburg ca. 1 May: Beim Abladen von einem Viehtransporter entkam am Mittwochnachmittag beim Schlachthof in Bergheim eine Kuh. Das Tier sprang über einen Zaun und rannte auf den Gleisen der Salzburger Lokalbahn davon.

A cow escaped while being unloaded at the slaughterhouse, jumped over a fence and made off down the railway track. The attempt was in vain as the local police and fire brigade blocked off all her escape routes and managed to catch her again.
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Schleswig-Holstein 15 May: Nach Angaben der Polizei waren die Lkw gegen 18.30 Uhr an einem Stauende aufeinander gefahren und hatten sich verkeilt. Der Verletzte musste aus seinem Fahrzeug befreit werden.

Der Stau hatte sich an der Einmündung der Kieler Autobahn A215 auf die A7 gebildet, nachdem eine ausgebüxte Kuh auf die Fahrbahn gelaufen war und bis zur Mittelleitplanke vordrang. Bis die Kuh wieder eingefangen war, saßen unzählige Autofahrer fest.

An escaped cow was on the main road, which caused a tailback at a junction. Lorries approaching the queue couldn't brake fast enough and ended up in a mangled heap. The lorry jack knifed and a driver had to be cut free from the wreckage. Traffic was not allowed to move until the cow had been recaptured.
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Lower Austria 8 May: Geschockt ist Herbert G. nach einem Unfall auf einem Bauernhof im Bezirk Melk. Als der Landwirt eine Kuh und ihr Kalb in den Stall trieb, ging das Tier auf den dreijährigen Sohn Markus los.

Die Kuh drückte das Kind mit dem Kopf gegen das Schiebetor des Stalls. Der Bub wurde eingeklemmt und verletzt. Das Leben rettete dem Dreijährigen, dass das Schiebetor nachgab. Der Vater konnte die Kuh nach dem ersten Schock vertreiben und alarmierte die Rettung. Markus wurde mit dem Notarzthubschrauber ins Krankenhaus Amstetten geflogen.

As the farmer was leading a cow and her calf into the stall, but was shocked to see the cow suddenly attack his three-year old son. The cow pressed him against the sliding door with her head and his life was saved by the fact that the door gave way. The father managed to drive the cow away, The boy was taken to hospital by helicopter.
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Bavaria 8 May: ESSING. Ein 78-jähriger Mann ist am Montagabend im Kuhstall verletzt worden. Laut Mitteilung der Polizei ging er gegen 22 Uhr in den Stall des landwirtschaftlichen Anwesens, um seine Hasen zu füttern. Als er nach einiger Zeit nicht zurückkehrte, ging ihm seine Ehefrau nach und fand ihren Mann im Stall — bewusstlos zwischen den Kühen liegend. Gemeinsam mit dem Sohn zog sie den Verletzten aus dem Stall und verständigte den Rettungsdienst. Der Mann wurde mit schwersten Kopfverletzungen in eine Klinik eingeliefert, sein Zustand ist kritisch.

A 78-year old man went into the cow shed to give the cows their evening feed. When he didn't come back, his wife went to look for him and fond him unconscious, lying between the cows. She and their son pulled him to safety. The man was taken to hospital with serious head injuries, his condition is critical.
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Upper Austria, 20 May: Gegen 19.15 Uhr wollte die Innviertlerin zwölf Kühe von der Weide zurück in den Stall treiben, als sie von einer Kuh niedergestoßen wurde. Die Landwirtin erlitt leichte Verletzungen im Gesicht und wurde mit der Rettung in ein Krankenhaus gebracht.

A farmer was bringing her twelve cows back from the meadow when one of them knocked her down. She suffered facial injuries and was taken to hospital.
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Lower Austria 23 May: Es war gegen 18.15 Uhr, als die Frau und ihr Ehemann in den Stall gingen, um Kühe zu den Melkanlagen zu treiben. F. stand in einer Box, die Tiere liefen an ihr vorbei. Plötzlich erschien ein Nachbar, der mit der 47-Jährigen tratschen wollte.

Nur Sekunden später passierte das Unglück. Eine vier Jahre alte Kuh dürfte sich erschreckt haben und stürmte auf F. los. Die Landwirtin hatte keine Chance mehr zu flüchten, das 700 Kilogramm schwere Rindvieh drückte die Frau gegen eine Betonmauer. Die Landwirtin sackte sofort zu Boden, die beiden anwesenden Männer brachten die Verletzte ins Freie, wo sie ihr sofort Erste Hilfe leisteten und die Einsatzkräfte alarmierten.

A husband and wife farming couple went into the milking shed. The wife was standing alone when a neighbour dropped in for a chat. A few seconds later, a cow suddenly panicked and charged at her. She had no chance of escaping, and the 700 kg animal squashed her against a concrete wall. She collapsed in a heap, was taken to safety and then taken to hospital by helicopter.
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Lower Saxony 24 May: Verden - Erhebliche Verletzungen hat ein 67-jähriger Verdener davon getragen, der am Mittwochnachmittag mit seinem Hund auf einer Kuhweide auf den Allerwiesen unterwegs war. Offenbar fühlten sich die Ammenkühe und ihre Kälber zunächst von dem Hund und dann von seinem Besitzer bedroht, so dass sie zum Angriff übergingen. Der 67-Jährige erlitt dabei schwere Verletzungen und konnte sich nur durch einen Sprung in die Aller vor weiteren Angriffen schützen. Mit schweren Brust- und Beinverletzungen musste er in ein Krankenhaus eingeliefert werden. Sein Hund blieb unverletzt.

A 67-year old was taking his dog for a walk across the meadow. The heifers and calves felt threatened and tried to scare of the dog and its owner, subsequently going over to attack. The man was seriously injured and could only escape by jumping into the river. He was taken to hospital with serious chest and leg injuries. His dog was not injured.
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Switzerland 29 May: Der Autofahrer war von Graubünden Richtung St. Margrethen SG unterwegs. Bei der Raststätte Kriessern geriet sein Fahrzeug in einer Linkskurve von der Fahrspur ab, fuhr ungebremst das Wiesenbord hinunter und durchbrach den Zaun einer Kuhweide. Hier krachte er in zwei Rinder, das Auto überschlug sich und blieb auf dem Dach liegen. Die Tiere überlebten den Crash nicht. Der 49-jährige Autofahrer und sein Mitfahrer wurden mit Verletzungen ins Spital eingeliefert.

A car driver drove off the road and careered into a meadow. Two cows were killed and the driver and his passenger were taken to hospital for treatment.
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Innsbruck 25 May: Bei einem Verkehrsunfall in Österreich sind 33 deutsche Rentner verletzt worden, drei von ihnen schwer. Die Reisegruppe sei in einem Bummelzug in der Nähe von Innsbruck in Tirol verunglückt, teilte die Polizei am Freitag mit. Demnach kam das Fahrzeug bei einem Bremsmanöver von der Straße ab, als der Fahrer versuchte, einer Kuhherde auszuweichen.

Alle Insassen wurden den Angaben zufolge aus den zwei Anhängern des Fahrzeugs in ein abfallendes Waldstück geschleudert. Die drei schwer verletzten Rentner seien mit einem Hubschrauber in ein Krankenhaus gebracht worden. Laut Polizeiangaben war der Bummelzug nicht für den Straßenverkehr zugelassen. Die Staatsanwaltschaft ordnete eine Sicherstellung des Gefährts an.

Thirty-three German pensioners were injured when the driver of a motorised train they were riding on swerved to avoid a herd of cattle. The engine and carriages skidded off the road and down a hillside.

All the occupants were thrown from the carriages into the forest. Three were taken to hospital by helicopter. According to the police, the train was not street legal and was confiscated pending prosecution.
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Slovakia 29 May; Bratislava - Eine ausgerissene ukrainische Kuh hat ihrem Besitzer eine Festnahme durch die slowakische Grenzpolizei und schließlich ein dreijähriges Einreiseverbot in die Europäische Union wegen eines illegalen Grenzübertritts beschert.

Auf der Suche nach seiner Kuh habe der ukrainische Bauer am Montag die von einem automatischen Kamerasystem überwachte EU-Außengrenze im Gemeindegebiet von Ptruksa überschritten, erklärte eine Sprecherin der Grenzpolizei am Dienstag der staatlichen Nachrichtenagentur TASR. Damit löste er einen Alarm aus.

A Ukrainian farmer chased his cow across the border to Slovakia. He triggered an automated camera at the border [not clear whether he was in a vehicle at the time: can they really cover the whole EU eastern border with CCTV?] which alerted the border police. He was arrested as an illegal immigrant and forbidden from entering any EU country for three years.
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Switzerland 31 May: Nach ersten Erkenntnissen der Freiburger Kantonspolizei waren die Kühe offenbar wegen eines Gewitters in Panik geraten und aus ihrem Gehege ausgebrochen. Mit der Gleisanlage wählten sie allerdings einen schlechten Zufluchtsort; sie wurden von einem Zug erfasst.

Zwei der Tiere waren nach Polizeiangaben auf der Stelle tot. Eine junge Kuh musste wegen ihrer Verletzungen noch vor Ort vom Tierarzt eingeschläfert werden. Auch die vierte Kuh überlebte den Unfall nicht; sie wurde vom Zug bis in den Bahnhof von Neyruz mitgeschleift.

According to police reports, a thunderstorm caused a herd of cows to panic and break out of their field. But they made a poor choice of where to shelter: they ran onto the railway line and were hit by a train. Two animals were killed instantly, a calf had to be put down and a fourth cow was dragged all the way to the next station.

Юлія Тимошенко