Just for old times' sake

Trial By Internet: The People Have Spoken

Thanks to everybody who cast a vote and thanks to HNL for linking. The jury returned the following verdict on Kate and Gerry McCann:

Entirely innocent - 1%
Victims of unfortunate circumstances - 7%
Negligent but not criminal - 16%
(subtotal 24%)
There's something a bit fishy about all this - 39%
(subtotal 39%)
They aren't telling the full truth - 20%
Guilty as Hell - 13%
(subtotal 33%)
Who are Kate and Gerry McCann? - 5%

Unhampered as I am by even the scantiest knowledge of Portuguese criminal law, AFAIAC, that's nowhere near enough for a conviction, possibly not even enough to justify an arrest and I guess we'll never find out what happened.

Similarly unburdened, HNL points out that "71% think that the whole truth has not come out... Sorry Kate and Gerry you just are going to have to do better.".

Hmm. Perhaps we should have agreed the rules first.
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This week's Fun Online Poll: Have you got Mexican Swine 'Flu?

Fun Online Poll Results & Trial By Internet

Thanks to everybody who responded to the question "What's a fair total 'package' for Westminster MPs, including salary, second home and staffing allowances?"

The final results are:

£nil - 28%
£20,000 - 2%
£40,000 - 18%
£80,000 - 31%
£160,000 - 21%

As there is no real consensus on this, I'll have to go with the arithmetic mean of the above, which is £66,000. Just out of interest, the harmonic mean is £3,440; the geometric mean is £19,699 and the median and mode are both £80,000. Yes, I know you can't calculate harmonic or geometric means if the results include zero values, so I stuck in a token £1,000 instead.
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Something else that has been bugging me for two years is this whole Madeleine McCann thing, I can't make up my mind about it. In fact, I can't even make up my mind about whether I can be bothered to make up my mind.

So this week I'm running a Trial By Internet, I'll go along with whatever everybody else says.

Kate McCann on Oprah Winfrey

"This offensive behaviour is not only shocking but intolerable and completely unacceptable"

Guess who said this about whom:

a) Caroline Spelman, on the subject of Matthew Lewis, who engaged in a spot of McCann baiting at a New Year party (of which I am not entirely innocent), or

b) Matthew Lewis, on the subject of Caroline Spelman, who paid for her private nanny out of her MP's staffing allowance?*

* Please note, I accept that it is difficult for mothers of younger children to carry out their MP's duties. If a law were passed, openly and honestly, that female MPs with children under a certain age were entitled to an additional allowance (yeah, like a salary of £63,291 a year won't cover it), then so be it.

Now, this is weird!

I checked my referrals just now, and am proud to announce that if you do a search on "Kate McCann's tits" from Swedish Google, I score nine out of the first ten places (directly or indirectly).

Link number ten appears to be a stream-of-consciousness/Clockwork Orange-style summary of my entire blog up to 1 October 2007 - including comments - in sort of reverse/random order.

Shit, did a human being type this up, or was it some cunning artificial-intelligence program?

Kate McCann's tits (coda)

I seem to have cornered the market in Google searches and scurrilous gossip on Kate McCann's tits.

I am pleased to see that she has finally plucked up the courage to respond to this sort of cheap insubstantiated innuendo and rumour-mongering (Real or fake? Perky or just plain flat?). Her parents are putting the story out that Kate reckons "If I weighed another two stone, had a bigger bosom and looked more maternal, people would be more sympathetic". See The Liverpool Echo or The Metro.

No love, your tits are fine the way they are!

PS. There was a super profile shot in this afternoon's London Lite, but I can't find it on line. Pink blouse with white dots, in front of the Renault Megane Scenic.

PPS. Anonymous confirms here "They are not false believe me. I know someone who had the good fortune to see them in all their glory in her college days and he says they look about the same size as they were then." So that proves it then!

PPPS. This is what I call excellent news management - start insulting fat people.

The Invisible Hand

My daily visits (that had reached about 80 at the height of my 'Kate McCann's tits' series, which is still reeling 'em in) had dropped to around 60 as of late.

Today's visits have doubled already (by 8.30 pm), having checked referrals in Sitemeter, it turns out that they all come via a brief mention in the Adam Smith Institute blog review #373*.

Netsmith, ta muchly!

*Bad new is, the average page views per visit was down from 3 or 4 to 1.5, those who came via the ASI didn't hang around long.

Stat porn (2)

It appears I have passed the 1,000 visits mark. (You can knock off about 50 because obviously I log on about three times a day to post and reply to comments).

Daily visits seems to be holding up, even though I haven't done any posts about Kate McCann's tits for a while.

Thanks you to everybody who has visited and especially to those who leave comments.

Portuguese police name further 'aguido'

In a dramatic development, Portuguese police have named a further aguido and have applied for a warrant for her extradition to Portugal. Cuddle Cat was unavailable for comment last night, as she was having a nap.

Kate McCann's tits (5th and final)

In reply to HNL (comment on Kate McCann's tits 4), I guess in this one she is not wearing a bra, as they look decidedly unperky.

Altho' these gratuitous but (to me) enjoyable posts have boosted my number of visits a lot, I guess I am attracting the wrong sort of people, because the number of comments (and that is what counts) has fallen to one or two a day.

So for the last time, I give you ...

Kate McCann's tits (4)

Oh sod it, here's another one.

Kate McCann's tits (3)

I Googled "Kate McCann" and "tits" and came top out of 549 hits!*

Pride? Doesn't come close**

Here are the first and second posts, so that nobody is disappointed.***

*Obviously this number will only show up as long as it shows up and no doubt the link will expire in a few hours or days.

**As Tim W once said in a similar situation.

*** These two pages are ranked first and third by entry/exit pages on Ye Olde Sitemeter. Which possibly explains why I am getting more visits but fewer comments, this being a serious political blog and all. Ah well.

Kate McCann's tits (2)

I got a huge increase in the number of visits over the weekend after mentioning Kate McCann's tits. So I'll try again today. Are they beautifully perky or what?

Kate McCann's tits

While the rest of the MSM and the blogoshpere speculates feverishly (and possible libellously) over whether the McCanns are witnesses or suspects, am I the only one wondering whether Kate McCann has possibly the world's smallest but perkiest tits?

And the world's thinnest ankles, for that matter?