Suffolk May Morning Birdsong

Can you hear the nightingales? They sing all night and all day.

"Three men tackle rogue six-foot emu rampaging through North Lincolnshire"

Spotted by TBH in the Scunthorpe Telegraph:

It took three men to tackle a six-foot emu that has allegedly been rampaging through North Lincolnshire for the past week.

Ted Phillips, owner of Shepherd's Place Farm in Haxey, said that he jumped on top of the ginormous bird this morning (Monday, November 6) after receiving calls about the escaped bird all week.

He had been advised previously not to tackle the bird but took the decision to take it on anyway after hearing that it had taken a trip to Haxey Primary in the Isle of Axholme, because emus can be aggressive.

He said: "It's a game changer when children are involved."

Mr Phillips leaped on top of the bird while two other men held and tied its legs together and a nearby policeman "did the best that he could". They then flagged down a conveniently passing builder's truck and took it back to Mr Phillips's farm.

"We don't know who the emu belongs to," he said...

I love the bit about the "nearby policemen".

"The wrong kind of bird droppings"

From AOL.co.uk:

Two cities in Nagano Prefecture, Japan had a total of 25 thousand traffic lights disabled as a result of a buildup of bird droppings.

Other, equally ridiculous and implausible explanations are available

However, some experts believe the culling was also partly to protect grouse shooting interests

The 23,500-acre Abbeystead estate was bought in 1980 by a trust "on behalf" of the Duke of Westminster, one of the UK's richest landowners. The duke's Grosvenor Estate manages the Abbeystead estate, which hosts pheasant and grouse shoots.

The government has licensed an annual cull of lesser black-backed gulls on the Abbeystead estate on the Bowland Fells in Lancashire for decades, officially to stop water pollution. The estate was first allowed to cull the gulls in the 1970s on the grounds that droppings were polluting the watercourse. The licence to cull was last renewed by Natural England in 1999. But a former Abbeystead gull surveyor has admitted that the culling has been conducted, in part, to protect the "economy of the shooting estates". The species is known to eat grouse eggs.

But nice to see that the estate managers still believe in good old-fashioned politeness when it comes to being asked for a quote on the situation.

The Grosvenor Estate said: "As we are involved in a dialogue with Natural England together with other land-owners, about the management of Bowland Fells, including the Abbeystead estate, we are not in a position to comment."

Life copies satire

From Hot Fuzz:

Spotted by VFTS in The Telegraph:

Three officers and a riot van tackle a roaming swan

A police force condemned as heavy handed for shooting dead an escaped cow is facing criticism again, after sending three officers, a patrol car and a riot van to tackle a lost swan.

Police rushed to the scene to deal with the errant swan, which was spotted wandering along a road near student accomodation in Lincoln. Fearing it may disrupt traffic, two PCSOs in a patrol car and an officer in a riot van attended the scene to find the bird wandering in the car park.

Witnesses reported seeing them attempt to coax the swan to a more appropriate home for around half an hour, before eventually snaring it with a sheet and bundling it carefully into the back of the van. It has since been returned to a nearby river, where it is said to be unharmed.

Baffled bystanders have now said they had "no idea" why police became involved in the operation, claiming the bird seemed "perfectly happy" where it was.

"There was feathers and blood everywhere"

From The Daily Mail:

A 12-year-old New Jersey boy suffered a freak accident when a pigeon hit him in the face as he was riding the world's tallest rollercoaster.

Shane Matus, of Howell Township, was riding in the front car of the 128 mph Kingda Ka rollercoaster at Six Flags in Jackson Township when the unfortunate bird slammed into his face...

Adds a new element of terror/thrill to riding a roller coaster, I suppose.

"Killed by a pheasant"

From The Daily Mail:

A motorcyclist was killed in a freak accident after he was knocked off his bike by a flying pheasant.

Musician Matthew Johnson, 32, was thrown off balance when the bird flew out from a near-side hedge and hit the side of his helmet. An inquest heard it is likely Mr Johnson was hit by his Kawasaki bike, which he bought in 2010, as it 'cartwheeled' down the road before plunging into nearby trees.

Nasty, very nasty.

It's not just cows

From The Daily Mail:

A postal worker has had trouble completing his mail route because he keeps getting attacked by falcons.

Ron Eudy, of Abilene, Texas, has been attacked by a group of falcons every day for the past two weeks while he tries to deliver mail along his designated route. The birds appear to be specifically attacking the postal worker, leaving a thump on his head each time.

There haven't been any other complaints of falcon attacks from residents along Mr Eudy's route. But every time the mailman makes his deliveries, the falcons begin to circle around him, dipping down to hit him.

That'd make a great plot for a film, wouldn't it? Either horror or black comedy.

"How dangerous are swans?"

Spotted by Graeme at the BBC:

A man has drowned after being attacked by a swan, which knocked him out of his kayak and stopped him swimming to shore. So how dangerous are these graceful white birds?

Anthony Hensley, 37, worked for a company that provided swans to keep geese away from property. On Saturday morning, the married father of two set out in a kayak across a pond at a residential complex in Des Plaines, just outside Chicago, where he was tending the birds.

One of the swans charged his boat, capsizing it, says Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart, whose deputies investigated the death. Mr Hensley tried to swim to shore but eyewitnesses told the sheriff's investigators the swan appeared to have actively blocked him...

I never really liked swans, too big, too aggressive. When you throw bread to ducks, they all swim up and grab a few, but if there's a swan around, they'll scare off the little duckies and try and grab all the bread for themsleves.

Headline Of The Day

From The Metro:

Man attacked by seagulls attracted to his moustache

Animal Attack Of The Day

From The Evening Standard:

This swan had a narrow escape after being attacked by two rutting stags in Bushy Park. It was caught up in the confrontation between competing males during the breeding season, which has seen several attacks on people in the south-west London park.

For once, humans were not on the receiving end.

Another bird/motorcycle attack

From The Metro:

"The pigeon smashed through my helmet visor and even smashed the lens of my glasses," [Matthew Brealy] said.

"I was doing 50mph at the time and the impact knocked me unconscious. It appears that I collapsed on the front of my bike and at the same time I hit the throttle, so the bike accelerated out of control. Police told me afterwards they estimated that the bike had gone from 50mph to 140 mph in seconds. Thankfully for me it happened on a straight road which is why I probably didn’t fall off the machine."

The pigeon's suicide mission was probably inspired by the tactic adopted by partisans, which is to string wire across the road at roughly neck height, which neatly decapitates enemy motorcycle riders. We're in big trouble if this catches on.

A bit like that Hitchcock film...

From The Daily Mail:

A holidaymaker has told how he was blinded after a bird pecked out his eye in a horror attack on a beach.

Animal-lover Michael Buckland, 38, kindly tried to rescue the injured gannet when he spotted it struggling for life. But the terrified bird began pecking at his face - and punctured his right eyeball at least three times with its razor sharp six-inch beak in Gower, South Wales.

His left eyelid was sliced in two and his right eye dangled from his face following the frenzied attack. Now welder Michael has been told by doctors he will never be able to see again through his right eye - but his left eye has been saved...

Jesus H Christ, this isn't funny any more.

Superbowl

This owl is superb:

"Buzzard attacks Gloucestershire pensioner"

From This Is Gloucestershire:

KEEN walker Nick George was left with blood pouring out of four deep scratches on the top of his head after a vicious attack by a buzzard. The 71-year-old is now warning people to be careful if they venture into the countryside as he did. He said: "If it attacked me, it could attack anybody."

... Jemima Parry-Jones, of the International Centre for Birds of Prey, in Newent, said buzzards and other birds such as tawny owls occasionally attacked people to protect their young.

She said: "When any animal has a baby, it is liable to be defensive." Miss Parry-Jones said people should be particularly vigilant during June and July. She added: "If you wear a hat, you won't have a problem."

Spotter's Badge: Angry People In Local Newspapers

"Geese scare quad bike rider into crash"

Spotted by JuliaM in The Argus:

A man drove his quad bike into a tree as he desperately attempted to flee a herd of attacking geese.

The victim, aged in his 60s, was set upon by the birds as he rode around the garden of a home in Horsham. The man was left with a broken leg after he lost control of his bike and collided with a tree as he swerved to avoid the aggressive gaggle.

The Sussex Air Ambulance and South East Coast Ambulance (SECAmb) were called and the man was treated before being driven to Worthing Hospital.

A spokeswoman from the Sussex Ornithological Society said it is not unusual for geese to react in an aggressive way.

She said in the past they had been used as the bird equivalent of guard dogs, adding: "They can be quite fierce. They used to be used as guard dogs with some saying they were more effective than guard dogs. People use them to alert them to people coming onto their property and to protect their property. They will fly at people and peck them and they will fly around cackling. They can be very large. If they were protecting their young, as they are likely to be at this time of year, they would be especially vicious."

A SECAmb spokesman confirmed they had attended an incident at a private address in Horsham. A Sussex Air Ambulance report described the incident, which took place at 9.55am on Thursday April 21, as "quad bike versus tree".

"Man killed by bird during cockfight"

From The Telegraph:

A man who attended an illegal cockfight has died after being stabbed in the leg by a bird that had a knife attach to it.

Jose Luis Ochoa, 35, of Lamont, California, was declared dead at a hospital about two hours after he was injured in Tulare County on Jan. 30, the Kern County coroner said. An autopsy concluded Ochoa died of an accidental "sharp force injury" to his right calf.

Are we seeing the start of a new trend?

Spotter's badge: Alan 540 at HPC.

Aaargh! The chickens are at it now!

Emailed in by Joseph Takagi, a story from The Sun:

COPS suspecting FOWL play are hunting a cockfighting rooster on suspicion of slitting its owner's throat.

Indian police say the "dangerous rooster" is thought to have killed Singrai Soren after being forced back into the ring soon after his last fight.

The animal had emerged victorious, but witnesses said the victim died after the feathered fiend cut his throat with razor blades attached to its legs as he tried to immediately force it into another bout.

Villagers were warned not to approach the animal cops described as "an unknown rooster with black and red feathers".

JT adds: "You could probably use some sort of headline about a man getting killed by his own cock" (which is no doubt the sort of comment that Witterings From Witney would have left).

"Swan knocks motorcyclist off bike in Worcestershire"

Spotted by Pensions Minister Former Tory at the BBC:

A man suffered a broken collarbone when he was struck by a low-flying swan and knocked off his motorbike in Worcestershire. The incident happened in Crossway Green, in Stourport-on-Severn, shortly after 1145 BST. West Midlands Ambulance Service said it treated the motorcyclist for his injuries at the scene. He was then taken to hospital for further assessment and treatment, an ambulance service spokeswoman said.

FT goes on to ask:

How did the cows procure this result? It may suggest - to adopt the wording of BBC and tabloid journalism - that there's not only a medium of exchange which cows have and is acceptable to swans, but also communication between the species. We developed unmanned aircraft, the cows trained kamikaze swans.

As a biker, I'm keen to understand new risks and this, frankly, is a concern. Is war declared on two-wheelers?

The short answer would appear to be "Yes":

Austria, 17 July 2009: Motorcyclist and pillion rider badly injured after hitting cow. Cow died at the scene.

Not much of a result from the cow's point of view, so they changed their tactics:

Lower Saxony, 24 May 2010: Motorcyclist slowed down when passing escaped cow at the side of the road. The cow charged him, knocked him off his motorcycle and then gave him a good kicking. Cow not captured until days later.

Austria, 23 August 2010: Cow stood in the way of a motorcyclist who couldn't brake in time. Cow lightly injured, motorcyclist taken to hospital by helicopter.

"Buzzards go on the attack in Herefordshire"

From The Hereford Times:

AN ANGRY bird is preying on passers-by in a quiet lane near Bromyard.

People around Pencombe are watching their heads following a series of buzzard attacks. Joggers, cyclists and horse riders have all been attacked near an orchard east of the village. At least two people have been left slightly bloodied while another was left "seeing stars" after a swoop on a horse rider.

This is slightly off the topic of cow attacks but the accompanying staged picture is priceless.

UPDATE: More bird attack tomfoolery over at JuliaM's.