[Place your bets now] Victimhood Poker: The World Series

OK, here are the rules:

1. Read the basic rules. NB, these are the US rules; you may have to adapt these rules slightly for UK consumption.

2. Write an article in the style of Joseph Harker (a regular at comment-is-free) analysing one or both of the snippets below (either in or out of context).

3. Post the article on your own 'blog (if you have one) and link to it in the comments; if you don't have a 'blog, just leave your submission as a comment.

4. Bonus points will be awarded for keeping a straight face and for explaining why group 'rights' trump individual 'rights'. Double bonus points if you can sneak in a reference to Mary Seacole or Caster Semanya.

5. The winner will be selected by Fun Online Poll.

Snippet A (beginners): Muslims have been banned from a Black Eyed Peas concert next month because the event is organised by Guinness, an official said Thursday. The prohibition comes amid a clampdown on alcohol consumption among Malaysia's Muslim majority. A Muslim woman who drank beer in public was sentenced to caning by an Islamic court last month, though authorities this week agreed to review the penalty.

Snippet B (advanced): Councillor Pat Richardson... claimed Mr Ramjanally was breaking the terms of the hire agreement at the hall and the leaflets also highlighted this. She added: "The main concern is that everybody else adheres to the terms of the hire agreement. There are issues with equality, yet the prayer group is men only. Christian groups use the hall but they are mixed. There are no exclusions."

1984 (2): Rewriting history

"He who controls the present, controls the past. He who controls the past, controls the future", summarised Winston Smith in the book '1984'.

Trevor 'Coconut'* Phillips seems to have taken this to heart and now wants British history to be rewritten to make it more 'inclusive'.**

* This is not a term of racial abuse. It means an outwardly black person who has totally sold out.

** See also James Delingpole on the subject of Mary Seacole in 'How to be right', a book I am not ashamed to recommend.