"Page boy farts during Queen's Speech"

From The Evening Standard:

A page boy appeared to fart as he stood next to the Queen while she neared the end of her speech outlining the Government’s proposed laws.

The boy broke wind around eight minutes and 53 seconds into the Queen’s Speech. A loud trumpeting could be heard in the House of Lords as the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall, sat nearest to the boy, showed concern as they called for help to discreetly ventilate the area.

A door was opened to allow the odour to be carried out of the chamber while the three remaining page boys assisted the Queen as she left the building after her speech.

It took place as the Queen said the Government will work towards a "comprehensive nuclear agreement with Iran".

She continued reading the speech throughout the incident, adding: "A bit more choke and that would have started."

"Queen to make state visit to France"

From the BBC:

The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh are to make a three-day state visit to France this summer, Buckingham Palace has said.

The Queen is expected to arrive in France on 5 June and spend the following day cringeing while her husband puts his foot in it in Normandy for the 70th anniversary of the D-Day landings. The Prince will then travel on to cause more mirth and mayhem in Paris, with The Queen trying to keep a straight face.

The Queen, whose husband last offended the French on a state visit in April 2004, was invited by France's president Francois Hollande. In a short statement, the palace said:

"The Duke of Edinburgh, accompanied by The Queen, will put a few noses out of joint on a state visit to France from 5 to 7 June.

"Her Majesty and His Royal Highness are visiting at the invitation of the President of France, President Hollande, who does not seem to realise what he has let himself in for.

"On 6 June the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh will attend events in Normandy to commemorate the 70th anniversary of the Normandy landings.

"Being entirely fair here, the old boy does have a bit of class and style about him, and whatever he blurts out will be a damn' sight more subtle than a certain former Prime Minister who was booed by veterans for referring to 'Omaha Beach' as 'Obama Beach'.

"On 6 and 7 June His Royal Highness will cause bafflement and awkwardness at state visit events in Paris and round off the festivities by chatting to President Hollande about The Queen's fondness for corgi dogs before enquiring politely about the Presidential Rottweiler."

Queen's Christmas Message Hails Taxpaying Stars

From the BBC

The Queen is to pay tribute to the nation's taxpayers in her Christmas broadcast.

She will hail the "splendid year of taxpaying" and highlight how the taxpayers allowed rent-seeking parasites like Olympic athletes to train off their hard work, doing a load of events that no-one watches except to have their own deluded sense of British greatness reinforced.

During the address the Queen will say: "As Britain hosted a splendid year of taxpaying, all those who worked hard all year were wondering why the hell they were having £11bn taken from them under threat of violence for a 3 week festival of hop, skip and jump.

"By trying to give them and their families a better live, they allowed the rest of us to live in luxury for doing a lot of pointless things".

"BBC apology to Abu Hamza over Queen disclosure"

From the BBC:

The BBC has apologised for revealing that Abu Hamza raised concerns with his henchmen about why Queen Elizabeth II had not been blown up yet.

The apology comes after security correspondent Frank Gardner told BBC Radio 4 of a private conversation he had with a senior al-Muhajiroun member some years ago. The BBC said it and Gardner were sorry for the "breach of confidence", which both "deeply regret".

On Monday, Abu Hamza lost his latest appeal against extradition to the US. The European Court of Human Rights ruled the extradition could go ahead. The Home Office hopes this can be achieved within three weeks.

Anu Hamza's lawyers have now submitted a further appeal, pointing out that this new disclosure was likely to harm his defence strategy, which was to protest his innocence.

The development was being discussed on Radio 4's Today programme on Tuesday morning when Gardner revealed details of his conversation with a known terrorist on the matter. He said the Islamist had told him, in a private meeting, how Abu Hmza had been upset that the Queen was still alive.

Jubilee Plate

My little girl can't resist a challenge and came up with this:

Hate Week

From 1984:

It was part of the economy drive in preparation for Hate Week. The flat was seven flights up, and Winston, who was thirty-nine and had a varicose ulcer above his right ankle, went slowly, resting several times on the way. On each landing, opposite the lift-shaft, the poster with the enormous face gazed from the wall. It was one of those pictures which are so contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, the caption beneath it ran...

Winston's evenings were fuller than ever. Squads of volunteers, organized by Parsons, were preparing the street for Hate Week, stitching banners, painting posters, erecting flagstaffs on the roofs, and perilously slinging wires across the street for the reception of streamers. Parsons boasted that Victory Mansions alone would display four hundred metres of bunting.

From The Huffington Post:

Fun Online Polls: Second World War Bombers & Jubilee Celebrations

The results in last week's Robin Gibb Memorial Poll were as follows:

Which was the best Allied bomber in World War II?

Lancaster - 54%
B-29 Superfortress/Tupolev Tu-4 - 18%
Other, please specify - 12%
Wellington - 7%
B-17 Flying Fortress - 6%
B-24 Liberator - 2%
Blenheim - 0%

Most of the people who voted 'other' nominated the Mosquito, so I duly award that one joint second place. Apologies for missing it off the list.

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And lo, thoughts turn to the extended Bank Holiday weekend. How will you be spending your time?

Vote here or use the widget in the sidebar.

Fuel poverty!

Yup. That'll teach them.

From The Evening Standard's letters page:

... The Queen should withdraw Griffin's invite immediately and send a powerful message that all people in this country are equal.

Weyman Bennett, Joint secretary, Unite Against Fascism.

Black Swan Event

From the BBC:

Call to Queen over 'Mr Asbo' swan in Cambridge

Rowers in Cambridge have called for the Queen to remove an aggressive swan nicknamed "Mr Asbo" which they claim attacks people using the river. The bird patrols a 1,600ft (488m) stretch of water near its nest in Fen Ditton, a spokesman from the Cambridgeshire Rowing Association said.

President Bill Key said the swan flaps its wings and pecks rowers and boats. Mr Key said the cox of his crew is afraid to go into the water because she was injured in an attack by the swan. The Cam Conservators said they have been in discussions about its removal.

Her Majesty's Warden of the Swans, Prof Chris Perrins, who works in the zoology department at Oxford University, said: "The Crown does not own this bird but it can claim it." He said it is essential that permission is sought from Her Majesty's Swan Marker, David Barber, who advises behalf of the Crown whether a claim for ownership will be made. If approval is given, a licence must be collected from Natural England.

Spotted by JuliaM.

Now, I enjoy a good animal attack story as much as the next man (or woman, obviously, in the case of JuliaM), but doesn't that look a bit like bureaucracy gone mad? The Cam Conservators discuss it with HM Warden of Swans who in turn seeks permission from HM Swan Marker to advise on behalf of The Crown and then to collect a licence from super-quango Natural England? No doubt the fakecharities RSPCA* and RSPB** will want to get their oar in as well.

Or not, as the case may be.

* I can't give you figures for the extent to which the RSPCA is taxpayer funded, because they are divided into 245 sub-charities, each of which publishes its own accounts, but it'll be in there somewhere - as a general rule, any 'charity' which can afford to advertise on the telly is a fakecharity.

** From Note 3, page 23 of the RSPB's 2009 accounts: they receive about £25 million a year (a third of their income) in grants from (deep breath): Landfill Communities Fund, Department for Environment, Food & Rural Affairs, Natural England (yes, them again), Scottish Natural Heritage, Environment Agency, South East of England Development Agency, Countryside Council for Wales, Department for International Development, Forestry Commission, Department of Environment (Northern Ireland), Scottish Executive, East of England Development Agency, National Assembly for Wales, East Midlands Development Agency, Department of Agriculture & Rural Development (Northern Ireland), the European Union, National Lottery Funds and Local councils.

Another day, another desperate throw of the dice (11)

They are saving a couple of Big Ones for The Queen's Speech:

The Prime Minister's slate for 2009, will focus on boosting a sliding housing market... Banks will also face huge fines for failing to treat their customers fairly, with ministers making the current voluntary code of practice legally binding*. The move follows concerns that institutions are flouting their own guidelines amid the fallout from the credit crunch.

Via Obnoxio.

* A bit like being obliged to carrying a voluntary ID card, I suppose.

"Queen of Mean"

There was a mildly informative article in yesterday's Sun about the Royal Family's expenditure that I have only just got round to reading in full.

It ends with this:

More than £22,000 was spent on chartering a helicopter to take the Queen, Prince Philip and two pals to the Kentucky Derby in Louisville during a state visit to the US in May last year. The official five-day visit to the US cost almost £412,000 in total... Graham Smith, of campaign group Republic, branded the travel costs “a disgrace” and said: “Elected politicians would never get away with this kind of extravagance.”

What f***ing planet does he live on?

Not this one, obviously.

Number crunching

Cost of maintaing The Royal Family: £40 million per annum.

Direct and indirect funding that political parties receive in each four-year Parliament: £1,750 million

An oath of allegiance to The Queen...

This idea is of course complete horseshit*, dreamed up by celebrity super-crook Lord Goldsmith.

As the nation's most senior and prominent public servant, perhaps Her Maj ought to be swearing an oath of allegiance to us?** She has kept her job for so long because She is very good at it, and She knows perfectly well what happens to unpopular monarchs (which is how She got the job in the first place!); which also explains why she is determined to hang on long enough to hand over the reigns/rein to Prince William, who at least understands the concept of 'keeping his mouth shut', the most important skill for a modern monarch.

* Hats off to Lynne Featherstone MP (Lib Dem, Hornsey and Wood Green) for dry wit - scroll down to the end of the link!

** Update, I am reliably informed she has done. My bad.