Thursday 27 December 2018

Read it and weep.

Email from HR. The list of 'don'ts' is so long, it would probably have been quicker telling us what people are allowed to do:

The festive season is here and I am sure you are all getting excited about the Christmas party. Like any great event, it takes great people but as it is nearing the end of the year you may need to refresh yourself on some of our policies.

Please do check our company handbook to confirm our expected standards of behaviour, particularly our policies on harassment, discrimination, health and safety and conduct. All of these policies apply to you at the party and any other work social event, any breach could lead to disciplinary action.

No one guilty of these actions is likely to end up on Santa's nice list, so please act in the way you wish to be treated by your colleagues.

Aside from our policies we have a few pointers we would like you to observe. These pointers are not only to protect [employer] and its reputation but also YOU! We want to ensure you are all safe and everyone feels welcome, therefore please read and abide by them this festive season:
- ENJOY the Christmas party but don't ruin it for anybody else, drink sensibly and be aware of your behaviour. Remember your fellow party-goers are your colleagues with whom you have a duty to behave reasonably.
- During and after the party, stay with other people, don't put yourself in the position of being a little 'worse for wear' and alone.
- Make sure you know how you are getting home, book your transport in advance where required, don't allow yourself to get stranded.
- Be mindful and look after colleagues, if you feel they have had too much 'merriment' do look after them.
- Do not be let loose on Social Media, especially when commenting, 'tagging in' colleagues, sharing photo's etc.
- Think of others and do not make any comments that can be deemed to be abusive, discriminatory, or offensive.
- The Christmas party is on a weekday night therefore unless you have agreed leave for the following day you are expected to be in work (or exams) at the usual time the next morning. Be aware of your ability to drive the following morning, please drink responsibly and remember your obligations for the following day.
- And one final tip - you will be surrounded colleagues, be mindful of what you and say and do, to prevent causing offence to them or embarrassment for yourself.

These pointers are also applicable for any client parties/ socials you may be attending - don't forget you are representing [employer] at these events!

We trust everyone will accept this communication in the right spirit by appreciating that the Company is committed to meet its legal and moral obligations of ensuring your safety and wellbeing, not only in the work place but at work related functions also. None of the above should prevent us from having a great evening.

5 comments:

Ben F said...

Everyone hates HR.

Sackerson said...

How would Catbert put it? E.g. https://dilbert.com/strip/2018-10-02

Rich Tee said...

Reminds me of a couple I've seen:

- handbook for previous job which said "don't ask other people what job they do as it may cause embarrassment".

- a post on LinkedIn where an HR director was lecturing on how to treat employees like real people! They have feelings you know. (Should have kept that one, it was priceless.)

@Ben F
Great catchphrase. I've seen it elsewhere.

formertory said...

Ah-ha! They missed the bit about how non-attendance at the Christmas party would be construed as indicative of not being a team player, not supporting colleagues and not displaying the Appropriate Company Ethos. The beatings will continue until morale improves......

I've come to believe that the luckiest break I ever had was being fortunate enough to get out before all this madness truly crystallised.

Mark Wadsworth said...

BF, yup.

S, nice one. Although my employer is not quite that strict.

R, golden rule, never say anything that is not 100% directly job related.

FT, one of the bosses asked me whether I was going to the Xmas party, I told him no, if I'm going out, I'd rather go out with people I like.