I have had a reasonable year and decided we should pay off the final balance of our flexible business loan early. Not a problem you'd think? Just transfer some funds between accounts. BTW, this is HSBC. Note also that HSBC have sacked all their local managers and we are 'looked after' by someone about 70 miles away.
Can we do this by on line banking? Nope. No facility.
OK. Let's call telephone banking. Nope. Can't do that either as one of my access credentials has expired and it'll take 'a few days' (i.e. probably a couple of weeks) so sort that out. The ooman bean who told me this said she'd email my 'issue' to our 'RM'. A 'relationship manager' I suppose.
RM calls me back. Can I do this in the local branch? Nope. So I go off on one about their sacking of all their local RM's and then she make the big mistake of saying that HSBC are struggling with their profits!!! Oops. Bad move. I issue a few choice words about ex nihilo money and QE and so on and it all goes a bit quiet.
'You'll have to write to me then and I'll get it done. You can do that by email'.
'Oh can I? Really? Is that wise as we have no secure email connection with you?'