"George Osborne admits to preventative brain surgery"

From Newsthump:

Osborne insisted that, without an operation, his doctors estimated he had an 87% risk of "thoughts" and a 50% risk of "implementing them".

"I decided to be proactive and to minimise the risk as much I could," he told us. "The problem is I carry a faulty gene called "FKW006T" which unfortunately makes me an incurable fuckwit".

Meanwhile over at The Daily Mash "Brad Pitt has revealed he had his testicles surgically removed seven years ago."