Friday, 8 January 2010

The Cow Attack Foundation

I have no idea whether such an organisation exists, but somebody Googled that phrase yesterday and guess who ranked #1?

Should I now apply to DEFRA for a grant?

My latest blogpost: The Cow Attack FoundationTweet this! Posted by Mark Wadsworth at 10:21

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8 comments:

Ross said...

Is this an opportunity to combine two of this blogs great themes- fake charities and cow violence?

Let's set up the charity and get those government grants rolling in!

8 January 2010 at 10:56
promotional items said...

Cow
To see a cow in your dream, symbolizes your passive and docile nature. You obey others without question. Alternatively, a cow represents maternal instincts or the desire to be cared for. For some cultures, the cow represents divine qualities of fertility, nourishment and motherhood.

8 January 2010 at 11:33
Ross said...

I realise that Promotional Items is a spammer, but he's a very profound one!

8 January 2010 at 12:01
DBC Reed said...

Of course the Cow Attack Foundation would have a vested interest in loads of attacks and would have to fake stories or stage mock-ups to stay in business.This would never do.
Then one of your pampered attack-cows would go for you and you'd become one of life's ironies, the saddest of fates.You could sub-contract the cow maintenance side of things but not globally as foreign breeds might look odd.

8 January 2010 at 14:09
Mark Wadsworth said...

Ross, I was thinking of applying to DEFRA, RSPCA, NSPCC and various Elfin Safety charities (but all ideas welcome). I am currently drafting an 80-page guidance on how to deal with cows, that will soon form part of the national curriculum.

DBC, are you mad? I will run this from the safety of a desk in Whitehall, armed with a fakestatistic generator. Since when has first hand knowledge been a pre-requisite?

8 January 2010 at 14:49
DBC Reed said...

I would n't be so confident if I were you.If the pickings are so rich you are bound to get a rival organisation,such as I suggest The Animal Attack Foundation and an intense and deadly rivalry will ensue.Then you will have to off your rival (it would only be a one man/person front organisation most likely) and to make the most of your opportunity would use one of your cadre of trained assassin cows.You may wish you had never started on this easy money venture at this stage.
Cattle are highly unreliable in my
limited experience,though not as bad as horses.Never trust a horse is my watchword ,(one of them ,as life is so complicated).

9 January 2010 at 10:20
Mark Wadsworth said...

DBC, don't you worry.

There'll be a Inter-Agency Panel to co-ordinate the efforts of CAF and AAF, to which I will be appointed (for a modest appearance fee) on behalf of CAF, plus chaps from AAF, DEFRA, RSPCA, NUF and so on.

9 January 2010 at 14:42
Express Corporate said...

We have many cows in the field next to us. The whole situation is getting ridiculous, hopefully this article will help with that.

23 August 2011 at 20:14

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