"Doctor, doctor ...

... hi, I didn't want to come in to the surgery because I've got [flicks to last page of leaflet] 'a sudden onset of fever, a cough and shortness of breath. I've also got a headache, a sore throat, tiredness, aching muscles, chills, sneezing, a runny nose and I've lost my appetite' ... Right, OK ... so you'll send my sicknote for work in the post, there's no need for me to collect it? OK, thanks ... no, no, I'll ring again if I need a home visit ... OK, goodbye."