With a little (paraphrased) help from comedian Doug Stanhope, because he is 1. funnier than me, and 2. I am buggered for time to do a proper post (though one is slowly coming together, maybe, by 2018).
"They say if you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you teach a man to fish....
- then he's gotta get a fishing license, but he doesn't have any money.
- So he's got to get a job and get into the Social Security system and pay taxes, and now you're gonna audit the poor bugger, 'cause he's not really good with maths.
- So you'll pull the HMRC van up to his house, and you'll take all his stuff. You'll take his black velvet Elvis and his Batman toothbrush, and his penis pump, and that all goes up for auction with the burden of proof on him because he forgot to carry the one,
- 'cause he was just worried about eating a fucking fish, and he couldn't even cook the fish 'cause he needed a permit for an open flame. Then the Department of Rural Affair and the Environment Agency is going to start asking a lot of questions about where are you going to dump the scales and the guts. 'This is not a sanitary environment', and ladies and gentlemen if you get sick of it all at the end of the day...
- not even legal to kill yourself (this is a bit american focused but for Sucicide in the UK, it was decriminalised in England under 1961 Suicide act and not really ever directly a crime in Scots law, but, if you don't keep it private it might be a breach of the peace, consolation for those commuters held up by someone jumping in front of their train).