This is what you could have eaten, had you been a lucky Guardian food critic* or even just a well heeled customer

But please don't try eating it, as it is all made of plasticine, however, if this visit has made you slightly peckish, well there are all sorts of opportunities locally where you can satisfy that craving.

I am struggling with "a spring fashioned from what appears to be a tight coil of wire, but which has been manufactured, surprisingly, from virgin olive oil. The waiter had been quite clear: stick your finger in the ring, then put it in your mouth. I did as I was told but instead of sliding on to my tongue the ring has congealed about my knuckle. This is the only thing I've ever eaten that involves sticking a finger down my throat.