"Taxpayers honoured with Bafta award for film and TV support"

Spotted by BobE at the BBC:

Thirty million UK taxpayers have received an honorary Bafta for their lifelong support of the British film and television industry. The actor Sir Kenneth Branagh presented them with the award in a star-studded gala at Windsor Castle.

Bafta chairman John Willis described the British taxpayer as "the silent hero of the British film industry" - a reference to their cameo as co-financiers of all time classics such as "St Trinians" and "St Trinians 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold". Hollywood director George Lucas, who flew in especially for the event, said the UK's system of direct subsidies and tax breaks had been influential for him.

Mr Willis said: "We should be proud of our taxpayers. The people here this evening represent a vast variety of skills and ground breaking innovation which generate the tax revenues to pay for the subsidies which our industry relies on. They have entertained and informed a generation and inspired generations to come. Who doesn't remember going to see the Arts Council funded muddle that was "Bloody Sunday"?"

The taxpayers, who attended with plenty of people they had never met before, also paid for the 2012 Olympics, including a short clip of Queen Elizabeth II with Daniel Craig as James Bond - when she appeared to parachute from a helicopter.

To laughter from the audience, Sir Kenneth said: "Your sensational subsidies for the opening ceremony of last year's Olympics were especially memorable. And the subsidies for the closing ceremony were pretty generous too. Not to mention the bit in the middle. We really enjoyed the fireworks display you laid on for us.

"So much so that several of my colleagues here tonight want you to know that should you wish to take it further into the world of British films that they have a number of scripts with them here this evening. I have to warn you taxpayers, not all of these films are fully financed."

Tom Logan, a restaurant manager from Ruislip who accepted the award on behalf of his fellow taxpayers, said: "I've lived here all my life, so for me this is my only home. It's been very instructive for me, I've paid for lots of movies here, not only cult classics "Sex Lives Of The Potato Men" but real blockbusters like "Run For Your Wife" and "Lesbian Vampire Killers" - it's been a long road."

He added: "Many, many years ago I didn't support the film industry and when I got my first job wiping tables, it was on its last legs. I realised that it wasn't enough for me simply to take my girlfriend out to the pictures if there was a film we really wanted to see, and thanks to my generous contribution via the PAYE taken from my minimum wage job over the years, it's now a lot steadier. Although I have less money to actually go to the cinema nowadays."

It is widely rumoured that next year's honorary Bafta will be awarded to people who buy National Lottery tickets.