Tuesday, 5 March 2013

"Bradford Batman's identity unveiled"

From the BBC:

A mystery figure who dressed as Batman and handed a wanted man in at a police station has been unmasked.

Bruce Wayne, 39, said he accompanied his arch-enemy The Joker in Bradford while dressed as the caped crusader because of a deep-rooted insecurity complex. The industrialist said he was "gobsmacked" when his exploits were covered by worldwide media on Monday.

Mr Wayne and his nemesis Mr T Joker, 27, walked into Trafalgar House Police Station in the early hours of 25 February. Mr Joker, of Queen Street, Buttershaw, had been wanted in connection with a number of bank raids, kidnappings and murders. He was later charged with handling stolen nuclear weapons and fraud-related offences and will appear before magistrates on Friday, once they've Googled his real name.

Mr Wayne said he agreed to go with his mortal enemy to the station after he had been to London for Bradford City's Capital One Cup Final clash with Swansea, after which the caped crusader and arch villain decided to stage an epic battle on top of a very tall building. Probably Tower 42 because that looks the coolest and has a flat roof. They did the bit where you think that one of them has fallen down to the street below but he hasn't really, he's clinging on to the parapet and then reappears suddenly. He had donned the Batman costume for the battle to the death and decided not to get changed.

He told ITV's Daybreak: "Obviously it was done as part of my crusade against crime. He (Mr Joker) wanted to work his way through the whole rigamorale and end up uttering the line "Really, we're the same, you and me..." but obviously I wanted my bed. It was half-one in the morning, and I had a business proposal to read before a ten o'clock meeting. In the middle of the night, it was his last practical joke, just between me and T."

He said he was annoyed that his paunch looked big when he saw pictures of him in the Batman suit. Mr Wayne, who is from the Wayne Towers area of Gotham City, said: "I've got my full tracksuit underneath. I'm not just wearing this [the costume] - it's too thin."

2 comments:

Antisthenes said...

Your news reporting may be as flawed and inaccurate as the MSM but at least it does not pretend to be other wise and is very amusing to boot.

Mark Wadsworth said...

A, there may be some typos in mine, but you get the gist.