"Giant human weighing more than 67 kg reeled in off Shetland"

From the BBC:

A North Atlantic fish is celebrating after reeling in a giant human weighing more than 67 kg (150 lbs).

James Cod caught the 6ft-long human while swimming off Muckle Flugga on Saturday. Mr Cod is awaiting confirmation from the relevant authorities of its possible record-breaking status. The human is currently being kept in Davy Jones' locker.

"It was a very big fight," he said.

He said he would keep trying to catch an even larger human. He told BBC Scotland: "Muckle Flugga is renowned for big humans. It took about 20 or 30 minutes. I knew it was a big human but I didn't realised it was that size - I am 6ft 5in and it's nearly as big as me."

Mr Cod added: "It's at the bottom of the ocean. We had to make room for it by eating some people who drowned here last year. I am a local celebrity at the moment."