Absolutely hilarious article in The Soaraway Sun

From here, I had to keep checking it wasn't the print version of The Daily Mash:

Computer repair man Larry Peters, 42, is convinced a giant solar flare will strike the Earth at the end of THIS YEAR, knocking out communications, energy and food supplies and resulting in worldwide anarchy.

To give his family the best chance of emerging from this "catastrophe", Larry has joined in the US phenomenon of "prepping" — stockpiling food and water and teaching his kids, including nine-year-old daughter Lily, to HUNT and GUT animals. Larry has also kitted out his family's three-bed terrace in Cornwall, to cope with every eventuality.

"Food, water and power are all in place. I'm ready for it. In a way I want it to happen. Humans need a fresh start. We've gone too far from our old ways and need to return to nature. Solar flares are from the sun — energy particles sent towards the Earth. These flares have the ability to disrupt human technology such as radar, radio, mobile phones, the internet — everything modern society depends on to keep running. By the end of 2012 a huge flare is predicted that will wipe all this out. It will be a total breakdown of society, complete anarchy. Lots of people are going to die."

He said: "Seventy-five per cent of my day is survivalist. I first became aware of prepping a couple of years ago. I came across the website of the American conspiracy theorist and former wrestler Jesse Ventura. He wrote an article about governments building underground bunkers in preparation for solar flares. I watched his documentary and conducted my own research online."

The family still shop at Asda for essentials such as milk, butter and cheese, but each time they go they buy something to squirrel away for the impending disaster. So far they have amassed 20 tins of potatoes, 15 tins of carrots and peas, 15 tins of steak and kidney pie and 100 tins of beans. They also have 12kg of pasta, sweets for the kids and their water store. They even have half a pig, which they slaughtered themselves, in their chest freezer.

As summer approaches, the family plan to install a wind generator and solar panelling. Larry said: "We plan to stay at home but we would use the Mitsubishi 4x4 if we had to 'bug out'. Bugging out is when you leave your home to survive. I believe the safest place in Britain would be Scotland, as there is more space and fewer people."

But one member of the family does not buy into the philosophy — 12-year-old Jago. Larry and Shelley have to disguise their wild food as shop bought to keep Jago fed and happy. Jago said: "I like to play Xbox. If there was a solar flare I would be shocked. I don't eat wild food and I hate gardening. I leave the room if they start talking about a solar flare. I really don't like it."

On being shown the two-page article in a national newspaper, Jago ran out of the room screaming: "I hate you! You've ruined my life! My friends might see that, for f-'s sake! Oh God!"