Cow in botched suicide attack

From Newark Advertiser:

The cow escaped yesterday as it was being unloaded ahead of today's weekly fatstock cattle auction at Newark Livestock Market. A local farmer said: "Something must have spooked it."

A Network Rail spokesman said a member of the public reported the cow at Newark Castle Station level crossing at 4.20pm. Trains on the line were ordered to run at low speeds, causing delays, but no services were cancelled. After standing by the level crossing for some time and then wandering down the line, the cow began walking in the direction of Kelham.

The Nottinghamshire Police helicopter was used to monitor the cow's progress. It was in collision with a Mini more than a mile away at the entrance to Kelham Hall on the busy A617 at 6pm and died. As the Advertiser went to press the extent of the driver's injuries were unclear. The cow's carcase was recovered by Crowden's of Newark.

For maximum carnage, try and get hit by a train, you stupid cow!

I love the extra detail of which local slaughterhouse recovered the carcase, I wonder whether they'll be selling rather oddly shaped cuts for the next few days.