London riots - the morning after

From the Evening Standard:

Croydon Central MP Gavin Barwell said: "I'm sickened to see this happening in my town. My first instinct is sympathy for the businesses and residents who have been directly affected by what's happened."

Mike Fisher, leader of Croydon council, said: "I am disgusted by the mindless hooliganism displayed by the criminal element that has come to Croydon."

Stores in the town centre and surrounding streets that were attacked include PC World, Tesco, Lidl and Argos.

"Yo! Leroy! How did you get on last night?"

"Wicked man, we were first into PC World and I grabbed half a dozen iPads. How about you, Winston?"

"Not so bad. Some idiot had torched PC World so I went to Tesco and helped myself to two hundred packs of Marlboro."

"Sweet. And you, Josef?"

"Tesco was cleared out by the time I got there, but I got into the back of Lidl and took a few cases of vodka."

"Nice one. You're very quiet today, Sadiq. Didn't manage to get nothing?"

"Not really. I ended up in a stupid warehouse full of boxes, man, just numbers on them, so I just took what I could carry."

"Go on..."

"I ended up with some matching bath towels and a lava lamp. So that's Xmas presents for my Mum and little sister sorted at least."