Meanwhile, down the Housing Office...

Bored Housing Officer; "I assume you know why you're here?"

Mr Honest Citizen: "Is this about the kids' playground? That wasn't my little boy who did that!"

BHO: "Mr HC, we've noticed that you haven't been claiming Housing Benefit or Council Tax Benefit for years..."

Mr HC: "Well no, when the Mrs went back to work, we checked the forms and it seemed like we weren't entitled any more. Is there a problem? Should we have been claiming?"

BHO: "No, that's all fine. I hope you realise that the new government has decided there isn't enough social housing, so it's trying to encourage you to move into the private sector, or to become an owner occupier. What they're thinking of doing is increasing social rents from £280 a month to perhaps £585 a month."

Mr HC, horrified: "We haven't got that sort of money! What can we rent privately for £280 round here anyway?"

BHO: "The good news is that the new government also thinks that there is too much social housing and it wants to encourage home ownership, so it's going to crank up the Right To Buy scheme."

Mr HC: "Beg pardon, I didn't catch that - is there not enough or too much social housing?"

BHO; "Bit of both, really. But we're trying to sort it out by helping you onto the housing ladder."

Mr HC: "I'd love to own a house. Paying rent's dead money, isn't it? But there's no way I could afford to buy. What's my council house worth ? £100,000, something like that?"

BHO: "Mr HC, I have to inform you that as a long standing tenant, you'll be entitled to a fifty per cent discount."

Mr HC: "But I don't have £50,000 to spare either."

BHO: "Don't you worry about that. There's another scheme where the government gives you an interest free mortgage for a quarter of it, and gets you a low interest loan on the rest, that'll cost you about five per cent."

Mr HC; "I'm not very good with figures. How much would that all cost me?"

BHO, types a few figures on his calculator: "Oh, £37,500 at five per cent, divide by twelve... yup, that'll cost you about £156."

Mr HC: "What? £156 every week? There's no way we can afford that, I'm sorry. Wh- "

BHO: "No, that's £156 every month."

Mr HC: "So that's less than the rent we pay! Sweet. But... what if I lose my job? They've already had to let a couple of people go, I'm worried it'll happen to me as well. Who'll pay my mortgage then?"

BHO: "Don't you worry about that. If you lose your job you can apply for 'Support for Mortgage Interest', that'll cover most of it, you can still apply for your Council Tax Benefit."

Mr HC: "I'll have to talk to the Mrs about that - sorry she couldn't be here, she's picking up the kids from school. But tell me straight, where's the catch?"

BHO: "I'm buggered if I know, to be honest. It's just my job to tell your 'options'. Do you want to cut your rent in half and end up owning a house or not? Here's a leaflet, show that to your Mrs and here's a card with my telephone number and email. Can you show the next customer in when you leave. Thanks for dropping in."

Mr HC: "Yeah thanks... I'll give you a ring then. Bye!"