Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Life Copies Satire

NB - not for the Faint Hearted or the Easily Offended.

The Onion, 15 August 2007: ... we have to make the choice between being a working woman who occasionally coaxes her pussy into such a lather that her hands are slicked with love juices, or a mother who spontaneously pulls over to the side of the road on the way to pick up the kids from day camp and swirls her fingers over her love button over and over and again and again, faster and faster until she's screaming, "Yes! Yes!" and slamming her fists on the car horn.

The Westmoreland Gazette, 3 September 2010*: AN APPLEBY woman who admitted committing an act of indecency while driving on the motorway was trying to ‘cheer herself up’ after a catalogue of family problems. Lorry driver Jonathon Kitchen spotted Miranda Chapman, 43, of Doomgate, indulging in an intimate act as she overtook him between Carlisle and Shap at around 4pm on May 13...

Ms Birkbeck said the events had made her client feel ‘extremely upset’ and the offence occured ‘in a moment of madness.’ “It was a completely out of character action for her. A decision made by all the incidents piling up and she believed she was in the privacy of her own car...”

Magistrates issued an interim disqualification from driving until October 8, when she will be sentenced following a probation report. She also faces being issued with a sexual offences order.


Via Grumpy Old Twat, via Anorak News.

3 comments:

JuliaM said...

I do love the 'believed she was in the privacy of her own car' bit. That might apply if she's in her garage, but no out driving on the Queen's Highway!

formertory said...

Churlish of the lorry driver!

Anyhoo, how come (nudge, nudge) the Police prosecuted, and on what evidence? Surely her word against his? Or was she silly enough to admit it?

And what on earth justifies a sexual offences order being made against her?

WV: stsains (how do they do it?)

dearieme said...

The best bit is "Via Grumpy Old Twat".