There was a public service announcement on BBC2 just now, right after The Thick Of It, saying how dangerous sparklers were, and that there were more safety tips on www.direct.gov.uk.
Enjoy.
My favourite is "Never put fireworks in your pocket or throw them". I mean, it's one or the other, isn't it? Or is it like "having your cake and eating it"?
I also liked "Light at arm's length using a taper". A f***ing 'taper'? When was the last time that anybody lit anything using a 'taper'? I'm not even sure what a 'taper' is. With what do they want us to light our 'tapers'? Another 'taper', presumably?
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13 comments:
"Light at arm's length using a taper".
Isn't advice like this recklessly endangerng thalidomide victims?
You mean you didn't press your red button and get the extra bits of The Thick of it ? Funny as fuck they were !
How the fuck are the kids supposed to light the blue touch paper on a banger when it's in a milk bottle?
Can't be done.
You have to light the blue touch paper, slip the banger into the milk bottle and lob it as high as you can.
Tapers, my arse.
Nostalgia, eh? Not what it used to be.
If you'll excuse my pedantic moment .. .. .. "Keep fireworks in a closed box" says the crap slideshow. When I was a child the information used to be to keep them in a closed metal box. Much safer than cardboard, what with all the fire and exploding and stuff.
What happened to " keep a bucket of water nearby " ?
It does mention a 'closed metal box' on the 'Firework Safety and the Law' page.
Whick also gives us this gem:"...follow the instructions on each firework – read them in daylight or by torchlight, never by a naked flame"
Thank, BigGov! Whatever would I do without you..?
Is n't the taper that slow-burning fuse thing you sometimes get in the fireworks box?Smoulders but does n't fizz.
All this we don't need advice stuff shows a permanent adolescent streak in libertarians.
I once sought out some dodgy Chinese fireworks in France (Gosh I'm so reckless!) with sketchy (to say the least) instructions.The only reason nobody was hurt was because the explosive Roman candle things (they were n't called anything that might give you a warning)exploded on the path outside when nobody was walking along it.
"Taper" seems to be one of these words, like "stranger" that now survives only in official advice and hence baffles the people for whom the advice is meant.
I am sure one set of instructions said:
"Tie this rocket to that rocket and light both .. this will test the theory behind the space shuttle booster rocket."
Theory was fine but the practice was a little hair-raising.
Spectacular though.
Light them and leave them in the pocket, eh?
@?James Higham-- I am very much concern with your view.
It mention a closed metal box on the Firework Safety and the Law page.
Well I for one am very grateful to the Government for their help. I just wish I'd put my glasses on when reading it. The tapir was terrified when I got my blowtorch out, wouldn't hold still to be lit, and the entire kitchen was covered in shitty hoofprints.
Bastards.
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