The road on which I live is marked with single white lines in front of people's driveways (which I guess means you shouldn't park there), and the rest is divided into parking bays (you have to pay to park in these Monday to Friday but not at the weekend). The gap between the driveway next door and mine is not wide enough for a parking bay, so one rather long white line stretches between them.
So far so good. A lot of inconsiderate drivers find it hilariously funny to park their cars on the white line exactly between our two driveways, so that the rear bumper is in my way and the front bumper in my neighbour's way, which makes it a right struggle getting in and out, as it is a narrow road and there are often cars parked on the other side as well.
So far so bad. Some twat had parked his Merc there today. I happened to espy a traffic warden sauntering past (despite the fact that parking is free at the weekend), so I asked him why he didn't slap said Merc with a ticket.
He explained that he couldn't, because he is only in charge of ticketing cars that are parked in a bay without a permit, and not cars that are parked incorrectly outside a bay, whether they are displaying a permit or not. To double check, I pointed out another car that was parked directly in front of somebody's drive, and asked him whether he could ticket that one. He replied he couldn't, that was a matter for the police.
What sort of idiot dreams up rules like this? If they have to harass anybody at all, shouldn't they be harassing people who park inconsiderately, and not those who park in the marked bays where they're not causing any inconvenience?
Saturday, 14 March 2009
White line fever
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
22 comments:
Or hire some urchins to key them.
And let the tyres down.
Pour brake fluid over their bonnets.
Dearieme: 4WD are so 'passe' and a bit like Snatch Land Rovers, totally inadequate for the job required - Mark, get yourself a Chieftan; you can drive over anything in one of those!
Leaving aside your use of 'their' instead of 'there' (bitchy, am I not?) what more do you expect of rules designed by bureaucrats?
WfW, well spotted, I have amended.
You need to let 2 tyres down. Its unlikely they will have 2 spares after all.
P.S a friend of mine says that you, well "you", should just write a rude message on their windscreen in lipstick. Apparently most attempts to remove lipstick just lead to a mighty lipstick smear all over the windscreen. Not many people know that. Or do they?
Libertarians and their selective rules.
So if parking is free at the weekend - so presumably there are no permits required - and he can't ticket people parked outside the bays, what exactly was the purpose of his being there?
I meant "cars parked outside the bays," not "people."
Anon 2, what's your point? I am libertarian, but that doesn't stop an inconsiderate twat from being an inconsiderate twat.
J, exactly. More to the point, the way to avoid a ticket Monday to Friday is to park outside a bay, i.e. in completely the wrong place.
Make and print a pretend 'ticket' from a suitably bogus authority and stick it on the car.
Get yourself a grinder and cut off the part that's in the way. Then place it carefully on the bonnet.
Like the garden law - you can cut off anything overhanging from your neighbour's garden but you must give it back to them.
(The fun I've had with a plum tree next to my fence. 'Oi. Pam. Are you planning to take those clippers to my plums?')
Many an old-fashioned traffic warden would pride themselves on not having to hand out tickets. Their job was to keep the traffic moving and prevent obstructions. They had a reputation as Little Hitlers but this was actually based on their demands that you moved rather than on them imposing random additional taxes.
We needn't worry about your predicament being repeated, Mr W, once NED is up and running (NED = National Everything Database).
The Anti-Antisocial Behaviour (Parking) Officer will call the number plate into head office. Within moments a full history of that day's use of the offending vehicle will become apparent. There will be a picture of the driver who, through a face-recognition system, will be identified as Mr Percival Smithers of 33 Acacia Avenue, Penge. His current location will be traced in seconds and the nearest Anti-Antisocial Behaviour (Miscellaneous) Officer (who will never be more than 100 yards away) will inform him that his vehicle is causing an obstruction and must be moved within two minutes.
Mr Smithers will say thank you and return to his vehicle forthwith, observing the new Anti-antisocial Behaviour (Use of Pavement) Regulations as he does so. Mr Smithers will present Mrs W with a bouquet of roses and hand you a written apology in compliance with the Anti-antisocial Behaviour (Contrition and Restitution) Order. He will not look at your children for fear of breaching the Anti-antisocial Behaviour (Prevention of Paedophiliac Leering) Directive (No 6).
All will be well with the world again. A situation unimaginable without the benevolence of NED and these wonderful new laws.
Anon (1): "You need to let 2 tyres down. Its unlikely they will have 2 spares after all."
No, no..... that'll never do. Takes hours to get the damn car out of the way, then, and it's obvious who did it. In this day and age, unless you have a taser, shotgun and extensible baton handy (and unbreakable windows), that can be a problem. Or so I read, from my refuge in one of the last bastions of civilisation.....
So, if I may: take four short, large diameter woodscrews - (say 25mm - 45mm No. 12) and prop one each at 45 deg in front of the rear tyres, with the points digging in the tyre and the head jammed against the road surface. One more at 45 deg behind each rear tyre, the point into the tyre for each.
Watch, amused, as the guy drives away....... Next morning, with a little luck, as he's rushing to get to the station or wherever..... two flat tyres and nary a culprit to be seen.
(and unless things have moved on, expensive "Z" rated tyres - like those on Mercs - are only allowed one repair per tyre before replacement. IIRC some tyre outfits won't even repair a Z-rated tyre once - but it's been a few years... :-) ).
The current state of parking enforcement is indeed overly complex.
I accept that parking in the manner described is inconsiderate. However, from what you have described, it is quite likely that the parking bays are not compliant with the law, and a ticket issued in such circumstances would be illegal. For you to insist that the parking attendant issue a ticket to a car parked in bays that are not legal will only encourage the petty persecution of the law-abiding (though admittedly inconsiderate) public.
If I were you I would either ignore it, or put a polite note on the windscreen.
...Actually no, I would contact the local authority and point out that the lines are illegal, and that they are profiting illegally by issuing and enforcing tickets, and that if they don't cease and desist I will contact the police and the press.
Jonathan Miller
The answer's really simple -- just call the police.
They send round some PCSOs who ticket the car. Takes them five minutes, gets them a sanctioned detection and a bit further towards this month's target.
Everyone's happy. Well, except the driver, obviously.
We've been doing this for a while -- people have taken to parking obstructing our drive to use the nearby station.
Gradually, over time, they do seem to have learned that they get ticketed and now I (and our neighbours) can get in and out of our drive without risking scraping past their cars.
Yeah, it's doesn't get rid of any of the frustration at the time, but it IS funny eventually -- Particularly if you're watching when they arrive back to find out they've saved paying for five pounds to park at the station by paying forty to park blocking a drive.
It does work, it IS playing by the rules and it doesn't mean they immediately wander over to your house to give you a smack in the mouth..
Does the old sugar-in-the-petrol-tank trick really work? I suppose you'd have to jemmy the petrol filler open first.
The purpose of demarcation rules like this is to produce more jobs. Used to be common in manufacturing industry but they have mostly gone (both the rules & the industries). On the other hand producing jobs for government employees is the purpose of government so their incentive is for more not less of this.
You could get a set of 'go-jacks' )pricey but handy) and gently manhandle the offender into the middle of the road, and abandon it. Someone will report it and it will be towed away.
What about putting it up on bricks and taking the wheels off? When the owner comes back, pop outside and tell him that you'd noticed that this had happened, but, luckily for him you just happened to have a set of Merc wheels on eBay that he could do a buy 'it now for', if he so wished. Price to suit yourself.
If you have a dropped kerb your right of access used to be policed on complaint.
Now however civic enforcement officers can regard parking against such a dropped kerb as an absolute offence and ticket accordingly.
It has yet to be tested what happens if you get a ticket when visiting your Mum and park your car outside her drop kerbed house ie with the consent of the drop kerbee.
Don't damage the chaps tyres, its illegal. Also, whatever you do, absolutely DO NOT put iron filings on his paintwork. It ruins the paint and requires a full strip down and respray.
Should you choose to disregard the above, DO NOT spell out naughty words in filings.
Post a Comment