"Harriet Harman to tour the country in giant pink phallus"

From The Daily Mail:

Harriet Harman's giant pink phallus hit the skids today after she was told by an angry voter it was offensive to just about everybody apart from hen parties.

The bright pink women-only giant mobile dildo was unsheathed in Stevenage today, but appeared to have problems navigating a supermarket car park and at one point was pictured parked across a zebra crossing. In an Asda supermarket she was confronted by an angry Labour voter who told her it was 'patronising and wrong' to divide men and women.

In a bizarre twist in gender politics, Ms Harman revealed the party had been holding 'doctrinal discussions' about whether a man is allowed to drive the Woman to Woman oversized sex toy as it tours marginal seats. Today it had a woman driver and was involved in several minor scrapes and a slightly more serious rear end shunt before finally leaving the supermarket car park.

Ed Miliband's spokesman denied rumours that he plans to tour the country in a giant snatch. "He said 'Volvo', for crying out loud. V-O-L-V-O."