Entirely Random Attacks Of The Day

The Daily Mail is on top form today, so choose whatever you are most paranoid about and get clicking!

Sand attack

Flying car attack

Pink limousine attack

Deer attack

UFO/meteorite attack

Runaway train attack

No giant sinkholes or cows in today's edition, I'm afraid.

Aha, that explains it...

From The Soaraway Sun*:

SENSATIONAL declassified FBI files reveal how the White House was sent into a panic by suspected alien sacrifices of COWS.
More than 8,000 cattle were snatched by mystery aircraft, mutilated, then dropped from the skies above the US south west in the late 1970s, special agents told their directors.

Terrified farmers in New Mexico, Nebraska and Colorado feared they would be ripped apart by extraterrestrials in flying saucers. Details of the probe are spelled out in internal memos released by the FBI online.

The cattle killers took sick TROPHIES including tongues, lower lips, sex organs, eyes and ears. In some cases the doomed animal was drained entirely of its BLOOD...

And so on and so forth.

I think we might as well use this patently daft conspiracy theory to explain why cows are so violent against humans: either

a) they are getting their own back for us not protecting them against aliens, or

b) having done a few test runs, the aliens refined their techniques, kidnapped some cattle, mucked about with their DNA to turn them into cold-blooded killers and then returned them to their herds.

* Spotter's badge Sue

In the immortal words of Phil Mogg...

OK, two kids ingested an inappropriate substance and died.

All very sad.

But where's the politician with the nerve to paraphrase Phil Mogg's off the cuff remark in an interview with Sounds magazine circa 1980: "Sid Vicious was a wimp who couldn’t take his drugs”?

Headline of the week

From the Metro:

'UFO destroys wind turbine'