Daily Mail on top form

Former Tory spotted this at The Daily Mail:

When two more gunshots shattered the early morning silence, [the police] took cover, later investigating searching the area and finding the teenagers' bodies in bushes outside one of the area's many luxury mansions.

The Hollingworths were nowhere to be seen yesterday at the £70,000 bungalow with swimming pool they bought with a 100 percent mortgage in an area that was devastated by the 2008 property crisis.

The article even helpfully includes a photograph of "The former family home of the Hollinghursts in Glossop, Derbyshire, before they moved to Florida five years ago".