Tuesday 23 April 2013

"Your spouse's credit card spending sees slight dip"

From the BBC:

Your spouse put £12,060 on the plastic in the financial year to April 2013, slightly lower than the amount by which he/she* overspent in the previous year. The amount was just £30 lower than the previous year's total of £12,090. You have slammed the credit card spending as "catastrophically off course" and said it "would take 400 years to balance the family's books."

Following a heated argument about whether "400 years" was a wild exaggeration or actually understating the enormity of the situation, your spouse has promised to stop using his/her* credit and store cards by 2017 or 2018. His/her* spokesman said: "Though it is taking time, he/she is fixing your household's economic problems. His/her* credit spending is a third lower than a few years ago, several whizz bang new electronic gadgets/complete new outfits including shoes* have been acquired and interest rates are at near-record lows, benefiting you and your business."

The cost of his/her* unnecessary shopping sprees in March fell to £1,510 from £1,670 a year earlier, excluding one-off items such as the interest charge on the accumulated debts of £100,000 said the Office for Nagging Spouses (ONS). And that new set of golf clubs/D&G designer handbag* that were in the sales and actually saved you money in the long term.


* Delete according to gender/sexuality.

1 comments:

Bob E said...

and the necessary spending in March, such as the renewal of subscriptions to various gyms and health clubs, will not actually appear on the credit card statement until May, so even though they may have actually contributed to spending more than in the previous year, for the purpose of this snapshot designed to prove it was actually lower, they don't count."