Friday, 5 April 2013

Great templates of our time: [Something you don't like] is a vile product of [something else you don't like]

From The Daily Mail, choose your own storyline:

"Vile product of...

• Welfare UK:
• Paralympics:
• Right to inherit from your parents*:
• Warehouses:

• Man who bred 17 babies by five women to milk benefits system is guilty of killing six of them
• Man who ran in Paralympics for South Africa murders girlfriend
• Man who stood to inherit a quarter of a million pound guilty of murdering parents
• Forklift truck driver guilt of murdering five women in Ipswich area

• Mick Philpott treated his children like cash cows generating £60,000 a year in benefits
• Oscare Pistorius treated his Paralympic status as a cash cow generating millions a year in sponsorship
• Stephen Seddon treated his parents like cash cows to land a £250,000 inheritance
• Steve Wright treated his forklift truck as a cash cow to earn tens of thousands of pounds a year

• He plotted to set fire to the family home with his wife Mairead to frame Philpott's former live-in lover Lisa Willis
• He shot his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp who was hiding in the bathroom
• He killed his parents Robert and Patricia Seddon with a sawn off shotgun
• He strangled his victims with the same hands he used to steer a forklift truck

And so on and so forth.

UPDATE: Nick Drew has identified a fifth candidate for the Daily Mail treatment.

* See also: Newsthump