Horse Desperately Trying to Keep Mates Away From TV

Valegro, the Olympic winning dressage horse has been spending time since his victory in the Olympic dressage trying to keep his mates away from the television.

"It's not a problem normally. No-one watches dressage, so off I go to a competition, do the things she asks me to do and off I go to the stables afterwards and talk show jumping and racing with the boys. But with it being the Olympics, it's going to be on TV. Probably make the first item on the news, over some major disaster. If they see the stuff that I have to do, well, I'll be laughed out of the yard".

"It's easy for them. Ride like hell, jump over fences. You know, horse stuff. And perks too. Occasionally, you get to throw one off. Can't do it too often, mind. What do I get? Music. Bitch".

"I wouldn't mind if she picked some Rammstein or Prodigy and I could just run round the show ring," he added "but it's a load of crowd-pleasing muzak that I have to do little steps to. It's not dignified for a horse. We're powerful, majestic beasts. Ted Hughes wrote a poem about us once. Described us as megalith-still. I liked that. Never said anything about prancing to Live and Let Die".

"I figure that if I can get them to go for a run until about 7pm then they'll miss the news, and by this time tomorrow, it'll all be forgotten".