Comment is free but cows are sacred.

Spotted by John B in The Guardian:

It's easy to assume cows are benign creatures – no one would fear them in the same way as bulls – yet, as a herds manager for more than 30 years, I know it's never a good idea to let your guard down. I look after about 300 cows on a farm in Gloucestershire and have built up a natural affinity with them – but I still remain wary.

Three years ago, I was moving the Friesian herd out of a field and one rather lame cow, who hadn't kept pace with the others, crept up silently behind me. I waved my hands at her and shouted, "Get back!" I wasn't concerned, just slightly irritated that she'd followed me. But as I turned to walk back to the yard, a force like the bonnet of a fast-moving car exploded in my back, throwing me face-down on the concrete track...

Shocked and winded, I rolled over and tried to get up, but the cow lowered her head and pushed it into my chest and stomach, crushing me into the ground. I felt the back legs of the 1,000lb beast folding, and realised she was going to sit on me.

It's hard to comprehend just how big a cow is until you're underneath one, looking up at it. I've no idea what made her so angry – I've waved at cows before and they've always backed off. But this one seemed possessed. She was making the most terrible bellowing, bawling sound – I think she genuinely wanted to kill me. Desperate and gasping for air, I took the only action I could – I pressed a thumb into each of her eyes and twisted as hard as I could.

The key, apparently, is to play dead. They'll kick you until you stop moving.

But seeing as this was in The Guardian, I'm a bit disappointed. Why not point out that the plight of largely female cows is symbolic of the suffering borne by women worldwide, who are expected to give, give and give for nothing in return? Why did the weight of the cow not remind him of the crushing burden which Neo Liberal capitalism places on society? Why did he not draw a parallel between the desperate but futile bovine attack and the brief spontaneous uprising of disenfranchised urban youth in summer 2011? He could at least have said that he was gasping for air in the same way as we'll all be gasping for air once Big Oil has chopped down every last tree?

A few missed open goals there, methinks.