Friday 25 November 2011

Cow in botched suicide attack

From Newark Advertiser:

The cow escaped yesterday as it was being unloaded ahead of today's weekly fatstock cattle auction at Newark Livestock Market. A local farmer said: "Something must have spooked it."

A Network Rail spokesman said a member of the public reported the cow at Newark Castle Station level crossing at 4.20pm. Trains on the line were ordered to run at low speeds, causing delays, but no services were cancelled. After standing by the level crossing for some time and then wandering down the line, the cow began walking in the direction of Kelham.

The Nottinghamshire Police helicopter was used to monitor the cow's progress. It was in collision with a Mini more than a mile away at the entrance to Kelham Hall on the busy A617 at 6pm and died. As the Advertiser went to press the extent of the driver's injuries were unclear. The cow's carcase was recovered by Crowden's of Newark.


For maximum carnage, try and get hit by a train, you stupid cow!

I love the extra detail of which local slaughterhouse recovered the carcase, I wonder whether they'll be selling rather oddly shaped cuts for the next few days.

6 comments:

James Higham said...

These cows are developing an ability to read between the lines and escape.

View from the Solent said...

Their inanimate friends are joining in now.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2065643/Student-Danielle-Morgan-trapped-clothes-horse-cut-free-crew.html

Anonymous said...

Obviously one of the German minis..

Chuckles said...

Gives a whole new meaning to 'mechanically recovered meat' doesn't it?

John Pickworth said...

Stupid cow indeed. Anyone with half a brain cell would know to avoid the A617 near Kelham Bridge at 6pm.... the traffic is horrendous!

Not quite sure the deployment of the Force's helicopter was the best use of your tax dollars. Surely a copper equipped with flash light, wellies and walkie talkie might have been a more measured response?

And finally.

Kelham Hall is noted as a popular venue of Hindu style wedding celebrations. I just hope the reports of a slaughtered cow at the front gates doesn't damage business too much.

Mark Wadsworth said...

JP: "Kelham Hall is noted as a popular venue of Hindu style wedding celebrations. I just hope the reports of a slaughtered cow at the front gates doesn't damage business too much. "

You are awful, but I like you :-)