Newsarse on top form

From here:

There has also been concern among the electorate about the decision not to mention child benefit cuts in the Conservative election manifesto. A government spokesperson explained:

"We’re sorry we didn’t include child benefit cuts in the manifesto, but if we included all of the unpopular things we were going to do in our election document, then you would never have voted for us. It’s actually pretty straight forward when you think about it."

Government officials have expressed confidence in the prime minister’s ability to show the necessary levels of remorse in making decisions he is secretly quite happy about.

"He has an excellent poker face, during the last cabinet game he took George Osborne for thousands - not that this means much, the man’s a simpleton. But when it comes to convincing the public that he cares about something for which he could not give a single toss, there really is no-one better."

Former Lib Dem supporter Graham Knowles said, "If you could boil down the Conservative party raison d’etre to just three words, they would probably be ‘fewer public services’ - so why this is a surprise to anyone, I have absolutely no idea."